Merry Christmas

I hope everyone had a really nice Christmas! We did our best to keep up traditions (and make some new ones) down here as well! Work was really boring last week, because we were so slow! So me and the two other MMS's helped our shop person re-arrange and restock everything, then it was Tuesday haha j/k that did keep us busy (and warm) for a couple days! By the way, our building is SO weird, upstairs it will be hotter than ever but downstairs we're all bundled up in our coats and scarves and hats (particularly me with the hats) and there seems to be nothing we can do! Luckily when I was cleaning out the closet next to my office I found a space heater!! SCORE! So now we all take turns using it to heat up our offices. The only problem is that is is ancient and super loud so when it is your turn to warm up you can't hear anything going on! So by Thursday we were bouncing off the walls! Particularly because our monthly newsletter had said we'd be closed the 23-3, well we were open on the 23rd but no one made a correction so we only had about 3 people come in all day! It was the slowest day ever! But finally 5:30 rolled around and I got to go home and start getting ready for Christmas Eve!
Now I must explain...In my family Christmas Eve has always been a pretty big day. When we were little we'd go to church and then everyone (on my mom's side of the family) would all meet up at my Grandma's house and have lasagna (no idea how we got started on that as our traditional meal but I won't complain it's the BEST) and open presents and just have fun together as a family. After my Grandma passed away things changed, mostly we started meeting downstate, usually at my mom's or my aunts house. We still got together, still had lasagna, but it wasn't quite the same....last year we had our last big family get together at my cousins house. It was nice to have that time together with everyone particularly because my cousin passed away a month later :-( so that brings us to this year. A year that was going to be tough regardless, but was made even worse because Mark and I couldn't afford to fly home for the holidays. So we were determined to make the best of it!
Since I don't know how to cook for just two people I knew there would be plenty of food so we invited some people to come over. I invited two co-workers and their families, and Mark invited one of his co-workers. Well only one of my co-workers ended up coming, but she brought her husband and daughter. So I spent the day making my very first lasagna! And it was AWESOME! Mark helped me clean the house and childproof our guestroom (their daughter is 3) and we were set. Since we were hosting they invited us to go to church with them, which was a really nice Baptist candlelight service, it reminded me a lot of the services from my childhood. And then we went back to our house!
It was really fun to get to hang out, the girls shared a bottle of wine, the boys a Sam Adam's winter mix and we just sat around our counter (cause we have no table still) and enjoyed good food and good company!
After they went home Mark and I opened presents from my sister and brother-in-law and Mark's mom and he stayed up playing the new game Rachel got him (which thankfully was not the same one I had gotten him!) and I went to bed!! The next morning we got up and opened our presents to each other (first time in 3 years we've been able to open our presents Christmas morning, we always had to do Christmas Eve morning because of all our family commitments) and then lazed around and ate leftovers!! It was a great day! I got SUPER spoiled like usual! I was really nice to Mark this year, I never give him a list, I figure if there is anyone who should know me well enough to know what to get it would be him! But this year I did give him a lot of hints and he caught them all! I got a new picture frame/pencil holder for my desk at work, a new Nancy Drew game (cause I  LOVE them), a new shelf for the apartment, an awesome Ipod player that I can hook my Ipod into and it'll play through the speakers and it has a remote! It's awesome! and then the best gift of all, Mark painted me 4 pictures! They were on smaller canvases and each one is a different flower (not his typical art, but cause he loves me he did an amazing job!) the main focus of the picture is the painted flower, and then he used pastels to do the background! I love them so much! He is taking a painting class this semester I can't wait to see what he does after that!
So that was our Christmas, it was nice, relaxing, full of food and presents and friends, and of course love! We're still waiting on another box from my parents (woohoo extended Christmas hehe) and then our Christmas will be done! But for being so far away it wasn't so bad, other than missing everyone so much! Hope everyone else had a great Christmas as well!

Love you all,
Nicole

Making a Choice...

Part of the reason it has been so long since updating the blog is because I've been sorting through a lot of stuff in my mind. 3 things mostly:

1. Body image/ baby stuff
2. Tough time with the move
3. Mental attitude.

So starting with number 1. I've always had a fairly poor body image. See if you can follow this timeline: in high school I thought I was overweight and ugly.
I went to Basic lost 30-40 pounds, was in the best shape of my life, and got a lot of attention (that sadly I just loved)
I came back and gained all that weight back plus about an extra 15 pounds.
Went overseas for the first time lost 20 pounds
Came back, started dating Mark, got married etc, gained back probably 25-30 pounds
Went overseas again lost 15 pounds
Came back gained back 25

are we noticing a pattern here?

Anyways over all since High School (where I thought I was just awful) I've gained about 50 pounds. Now I look back at pictures from then and want to hit myself (don't even look at pictures from after basic because I literally feel sick). I've fluctuated a ton in these different weight, I find I can work out a ton and not lose weight which is very frustrating. So finding a routine of healthy eating (which I pretty much do, its more a matter of going from healthy eating (balanced) to ultra-healthy (no sugar, no unhealthy carbs, no fats, aka never going to happen) eating).
Something that doesn't help the equation is a husband who is 100% supportive. Weird I know, you'd think that's a good thing. Well it is, sorta. The bad thing is that he is 100% supportive of whatever I want, whether that's ice cream for dinner, or working out every day. Other bad thing, is that said supportive husband actually lost weight when he went to college (so much for the freshman 15) and hasn't really fluctuated more than 10 pounds in the 5 years since we graduated. UGH!!! So I need to work not just on motivation because trust me I KNOW I need to lose weight. I KNOW I will feel better if I work out everyday (supposedly) I KNOW our chanced of having a baby will be greater if I lose weight, I KNOW life in general will be better if I lost at least 30 pounds. The problem comes with getting that motivation to actually do something.
So I've bought a gym membership at a great gym that has a ton of cool classes, a pool for lap swimming, great equipment, etc. But having gotten sick the weekend after getting the membership I have not really made it there. Not that I'm sure that would have really made much difference, I'm sure I would have found some other excuse. So I guess it is something I'll continue to work on, see if I can find someone to be  a workout buddy with (because even though my husband is 100% supportive getting his butt to a gym is next to impossible, though the one time I did I totally out swam him which goes to show just because I'm fat I am in some ways in better shape than my skinny hubby) or just whap myself over the head until it sticks in my brain that this is something I need to do for myself.

So onto number 2!

Moving to Arkansas has been far from easy, leaving friends and family and comfortable surroundings in order to move somewhere completely foreign is not really fun. But sometimes what's best for yourself and family is to do the less fun option. When we started living together/got married Mark and I agreed that he would work full-time while I was in school so I could concentrate on getting my degree and Mark could figure out what he wanted to do. So Mark got a good job at Haworth (for which we will be eternally grateful) we had health insurance, a good salary, I was able to work part-time and go to school full-time. We easily good have stayed in Holland, Mark enjoyed working at Haworth with his friends, the money was good, I could have continued to go to school and hope to someday get a job in Holland. But I saw the danger in staying....Mark could get to comfortable at Haworth, get promoted, and never have the need to push himself into school. I could find a job there and we'd never have the need to go outside of those circumstances...Not that that is a bad thing, I love my family, friends, church, life back in Holland. But growth hurts, it's uncomfortable, and I knew it was necessary.
Well that's easy to say when you are comfortably sitting near friends and family, but having now spent almost 5 months I can say, very begrudgingly, that it was still the right decision.

Which brings us to number 3

My mental attitude.
Ok for as long as I can remember I have the ability to be COMPLETELY negative I can not only sulk, but I can totally ruin anything for people around me. Some days are more of a battle than others, but lately it's been harder than ever. I think it has something to do with being sick, I've been fighting this awful cold for almost a week and it definitely makes me cranky! And something to do with number 2. I have days where it doesn't matter what someone says to me I am totally irked, annoyed, angry to the point of tears. Those days I think my continual prayer is 'Lord, please don't let me say anything.' 'Lord, please keep my mouth shut.' Etc. Sigh. It is exhausting to try and be nice all day at work to everyone whether I want to or not (such is the game of any job that deals with John Q Public) and then to have to keep myself from being mean at home. My poor hubby, I don't know why he likes me! So I have been trying very hard to make the decision every day to be nice, to be happy, to be positive...it's exhausting. Add that to number 1 and number 2 and some days are rough.
Today was a particularly rough one. I can' really work out because I'm still coughing my lungs up and all. Being away from all things familiar is hard, and I had some work related annoyances thanks to procedure type things that hamstring my ability to do my job successfully. and that makes number 3 SO HARD...anyways I guess that's all.

I'll put a genuine update on the things going on with us. Sorry if I gave anyone the idea that life is just horrible, it's not! I'm super lucky to have an amazing husband, to have a job, to be making friends here, etc. So don't go feeling to bad for us, just wanted to share a little bit about the semi-nerocotic workings of my brain haha.
Love you all

It's About Time

I know, I know, I know...I've been HORRIBLE about updating. I'm sorry! I promise to do better, in fact today I'll probably do at least two posts today, because I have two very different topics on my mind.
Firstly, I'm really excited to share the video from my St Baldrick's event! It was so amazing, and let me tell you, being bald is very liberating! I was so excited in general to be back in MI and see family and friends, I was impressed by the number of people who actually came to my event! It was very gratifying!! I was especially pleased that my Aunt Cathy was able to come, she even got to be a guest shaver! So far, including the money I've gotten at the event and from people I work with I've made a total of $853 of my $1,000 goal! So if you haven't donated yet, don't worry there is still time. You can still make donations online here or by giving me a check or cash. I'd love to meet my goal, but even if I don't, just think how cool it would be if this money was the tipping point in life saving research!! Yay us!
So to watch the video, the most effective way I've found is by posting it on YouTube. So I shall link it.....Here! :-) Enjoy, and I'd love to know what you think, this was my first attempt at making a video with my Mac's video software, I really enjoyed making it, so I hope you enjoy watching it!
Some days I still really can't believe I did that...I shaved my head...am I absolutely nuts!? probably! But let me tell you, it has been completely worth it, A. my morning routine is seriously cut in half B. I can go swim laps without a swimcap C. my hair never gets in my face/I never have a bad hair day (or every day is a bad hair day depending on how you look at it) D. if it was summer I'd be really comfortable. But honestly the most gratifying moment came when we went out to a local bar with friends to listen to some live music. Firstly at the door the guy checking ID's did a couple double takes looking at my license and up to my head (which was covered with a scarf my grandma gave me) and he looked at me kinda sadly and asked if I'd just finished treatment. I politely said no, that I had done it for an event. He looked happier and thanked me for doing it. If that wasn't touching enough later a lady in maybe her 40's came up and asked the same thing, again I said no that I had done it for a fundraiser, she touched my arm and with tears in her eyes thanked me, and then proceeded to tell me that her hair was just starting to grow back after her battle with breast cancer. I was so honored that she would come and tell me, it was pretty awesome.
Another awesome thing, that it literally brought tears to my eyes, was on Facebook a couple days after I posted the video. I was lucky enough to go to by far the coolest camp ever when I was in middle school and high school. Well I am now Facebook friends with a number of fellow campers, and two of the coolest counselors ever! Anyways after watching my video my awesome former counselor posted this on Facebook.

 You know those facebook reposts that go "If you have a sister who'd do anything for you, etc." or "If you have a friend who has been there through thick and thin, etc." then repost?

Well, I'm starting a new one...If you have a church camp camper who has done things that amaze you and make you proud, someone who has become so strong and giving that they are now someone YOU look up to, tell them how proud of them you are and tell the world what they are fighting for. I have many of those former camper, and here's the latest. Nicole Brooks , you rock!

I was reading this on my Blackberry at our Membership Retreat for work, and I read through most of it and was like aw that's cool, when I got to the part with my name (and the link to my video) I actually teared up! When you're young and you see these people as just the ultimate in cool and grown up, then you grow up and she says something like that, it really makes you think you did something right! Thanks!!!

Love you all,
Nicole

PS- send your kids to camp so they can have that same experience! :-D

Betty Crocker, Eat Your Heart Out!

So Mark finally made it here safe and sound! Woohoo! And with him came all of my lovely possessions that I had been missing for the last two months! I mean it, I have some nice stuff that I really enjoy being able to use! And since we had originally anticipated it only being two weeks before I got my stuff I had not brought as much variety of things with me!! So needless to say I've been genuinely enjoying opening boxes and getting re-acquainted with my things! And as anyone who knows me will say, I have ALOT of things. The two largest categories of stuff would be books and kitchen stuff. Now since I have invested in the amazing Amazon Kindle I've been working to transfer my larger number of books to electronic versions, right now I'm up to about 165 books on my Kindle!! And love it!! But that's for another post because I seriously should be a salesperson for Kindle's.
On the other hand, I have been working to stock my kitchen since I was in high school! I seriously could not wait for the time when I would have a kitchen of my own to fill! My mom's kitchen took a serious hit the day I moved out haha! And since I have finally been reunited with my many boxes of kitchen stuff it has been heaven! It is seriously the only room in the apartment we have totally unpacked! That is mostly due to the fact that we really haven't bought furniture yet, so there are no dressers for clothes, book cases for my many books, dvd stands for our many movies....you get the picture. But we have been blessed with an amazing kitchen! Seriously it's the best one I've had yet and I've had 5 kitchens! It's large, it's got TONS of cupboards/drawers, there is miles of counters, and plenty of storage in our laundry room for all the many things I own!! So naturally the first thing I wanted to do was break it in! And so I did! For work we were going to be leaving ridiculously (5am!! which is insanely early for me!) to go to an event in Little Rock, and if I have to be up at 5am than there had better be some serious sugar involved!! So I made cinnamon rolls!! And they turned out fabulously and I seriously became the most popular person that morning when I showed up to carpool with enough cinnamon rolls for everyone!!mmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!! haha

Well after giving everyone a taste of my cinnamon rolls I asked what they would enjoy trying next! Because my baking bug had seriously bitten! I think they might have been teasing just a little when they asked for donuts but luckily for everyone involved I happen to have an amazing recipe for donuts from someone from high school! So Monday morning I rolled in with homemade donuts!! Sadly I forgot to take a picture of them and they were gone by lunchtime!! A couple days later I was lucky enough to have been home by 6pm, which considering I ended up working almost 60hrs that week is amazing!!  So of course I made an apple pie haha cause who wouldn't do that when they get home early!! For those of you who haven't had my dutch apple pie you are seriously missing out, because I honestly think it is the best thing I make!! And Wal-Mart was nice enough to stock MI apples for me! HAHA  the pie was also a hit and that works for me because this holiday season I'm looking to make some extra cash by selling my pies to people who don't want to bake their own for the holidays and word of mouth is my best possible advertisement! Sadly I also forgot to take a picture of the finished pie, but trust me when I say it was YUMMY!! Tonight I just got done making banana bread to take in tomorrow, since I didn't work today *benefit of a 60hr week last week is a comp day today!

I've honestly figured that if money was no issue I would live in a town, with a thriving downtown community (hm like Holland haha) and own a small pie shop. Just serve different kinds of pies and coffee/tea just a casual cool hang out with awesome pies! That's honestly like my dream. But since I'm not likely to win the lottery *since I don't play it haha* I'll just content myself with baking yummy treats and sharing them with work, and maybe selling a few on the side. Someday when Mark and I own our bed and breakfast I'll be stoked to take care of all the baking there!

Oh Baby

My own design

So it's been a pretty exciting last couple weeks for baby's in the family/friends. My cousin and his wife gave birth to their son a couple days before my birthday! He's adorable, my cousin's wife is short like me and my cousin is, well a giant, so she's an absolute champ to even want to have kids with someone like that! And they made an adorable little boy! Other baby news is two friends of ours from Holland also gave birth to a boy a couple days after my birthday...apparently no one wanted to share my birthday with me haha which is good cause these boys are two cute they'd totally overshadow my birthday.... I love my birthday if you hadn't noticed! Anyways our friends ended up going in for c-section and gave birth a few weeks early so their boy is still in the hospital, but lots of people are praying for him and I know he'll be fine soon and home with his great parents! It's very exciting, because I love babies! Especially now that I've discovered my love of quilting baby blankets!!! I'll post pictures of the one's I've done so far, after they've been given to their owners since I don't want to ruin the surprise! But I have got this picture of one I'm working on right now that I'm not sure where it's going to go.

My cupcake!!

So speaking of my birthday!! It was a pretty good day, which actually started with the perfect weekend cause my mommy came and visited me! I got up and went to work and there was a cupcake and card from the other people in my office! Which was ridiculously nice if you ask me, but of course I'd been telling everyone for a week that it was going to be my birthday haha so I don't think it was possible they'd forget.

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So I got to enjoy a yummy chocolate cupcake, and someone else brought in blueberry cake in to the kitchen, but I don't know who there was just a note on it saying Happy Birthday Nicole. I was very touched by the card to because everyone signed it, little things really make me smile!! So while I was working hard on making Girl Scouts available to girls everywhere in Northwest Arkansas, my wonderful, amazing, awesome, fabulous, sweet,
 kind, smart, clever, creative husband had flowers delivered to me!! and they were beautiful! And not only that, my above mentioned husband had them specially designed and wrote me exactly what they meant! Of course I'm keeping that part private because it was to amazing to share with ya'll, but just now I got the best husband in the world! After that I had leftovers from my mom's wonderful dinner she made me for lunch, and went back to work, I had an event up in Pea Ridge which is near the Missouri border and my wonderful team of volunteers there signed up 32 girls for Girl Scouts!! it was a great event, that ran like clockwork! My volunteer up there has been a leader for 17 years!! That's dedication and I'm always amazed by the work she puts into this program and she does it without getting paid! While working a full time job and have a house built by Habitat for Humanity! I love my volunteers! I couldn't do my job without them, and I tell them that a  lot!

So I'm getting really excited because my husband will be getting here in like a week, maybe a little less! It's going to be so nice to see him! We're getting to good at being apart and I don't like that at all! Sadly that weekend I have to go to Little Rock for a work thing :-( but we're getting two movers for two hours to help unload the truck on Friday. And when I get home Saturday night I'll have all my stuff and my hubby, life is good!
So that's about it for now, I'll have more posts later about other stuff that's still percolating in my brain, but I'm good for now :-) and in honor of the adorable little boys that have graced the world with their presence I'm posting these two pictures of these adorable outfits mom and I found at the mall when she was down, (plus they really helped get her on my side about wanting boys ;-D)

Plaid is ADORABLE!! And the shoes match!

Little Carhart! Come on how cute!

Adoption Meeting

So last night I went to the adoption/foster care orientation meeting here in Fayetteville....I still don't quite know how I feel about it other than I certainly miss our Bethany caseworker! I did not get the most welcoming and inviting feeling last night, and maybe it was because I was highly disappointed with the thoughts/actions of the other people in the meeting that colored the experience for me but it just didn't feel right. On top of that I guess the process here is equally easier and harder than back in Michigan. There are physically less children in the system here which makes the process longer. I was more intrigued by the idea of foster care though.
The process works along the same lines here as in Michigan in that we'd go through the initial application/background check/fingerprinting than move on to the classroom training and finish with the home-study. But because the system here does not get contracted out from the beginning our initial application would be done by one person, training by an outside contract, and finally home-study done by a third person. I don't really know how I feel about that, I take back everything I said about MI contracting out the whole process to BCS! I would love to have just one person who'll be there with us from start to finish like in Michigan and not feel like I'm playing hot-potato with a bunch of different caseworkers all of whom have way to high a caseload to care about us individually......like I said I was just not overcome with love for the whole thing last night.
That being said we aren't taking adoption off the table, but even if we were to jump headlong into the process again it would be up to 2 years before we could even get a placement and I don't know how I feel about that. I mean heck pregnant people only have to wait 9 months why do I have to wait 2 years! I am just feeling very discouraged about the whole thing right now. One thing I forgot to mention in my review of Hannah's Hope was the discussion of how mothering doesn't have to just mean having a child. I love to volunteer and spend time with kids anyways so does that mean God has a plan for us to make a difference in the lives of children through some other way? I don't know right now, all I know is I am not a patient person and I really have to work on that.
I do know that I am definitely re-committed to my intentions not to take fertility treatments to an extreme. Let me explain.....for Mark and I our fertility issues stem from my diagnosis with PCOS. Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome is something that causes the body, for whatever reason, to not ovulate. It is sorta a disease that doctors don't know a whole lot about. It may or may not be linked to genetics, there seems to be some connection to insulin levels though they don't know how, and women can be given a diagnosis of PCOS with or without actual cysts (I'm part of the lucky ones to actually have cysts woohoo lucky me...not). Like I've said before the irony with PCOS is that a lot of the symptoms can be managed with oral birth-control. It helps to stabilize weight, produce regular (or in my case semi-regular) ovulation, reduce mood issues, and just in general make life nicer.My doctor and I have been trying to find a weight that is best for me. If I weight to little I don't ovulate, if I weigh to much I don't ovulate. We haven't quite figured out what my ideal weight for getting pregnant is, but I know it's less than I weight now which is a whole other struggle for me. The part of the diagnosis that scares me the most is the higher chances for miscarriage. I know enough about myself to know I could not handle that physically or emotionally.

Sorry this is all a little random.....

There is more I want to talk about but right now my thoughts are kinda scattered, I think later this week I'll post a little more about what the infertility journey for Mark and I looks like, but for now I'm going to enjoy my long weekend, and try not to think about any of this.
Love you all

Hannah's Hope

I finished reading Hannah's Hope last night.......It was an excellent book and I highly recommend it to everyone. Not just people dealing with the pain of infertility, miscarriage, or adoption loss. There are excellent sections in this book called Burden Bearers which gives wonderful advice to people who interact with others who may be facing this issue. And considering that 1 in 6 American couples will face this problem, well you do the math, pretty easy to figure out that there is more than likely one or more couples in your life right now dealing with this. Some may not be as vocal about it as I am, but they are still there. The book follows along the story of Hannah, the mother of Samuel. The author takes the passages from the bible and infuses a story along with it to expand upon it based one her own experiences dealing with infertility. It was really my favorite part of the book because I so understood the feelings/thoughts that she had placed upon Hannah. Of course we will never know exactly what Hannah felt/thought through that time but given the importance of children in ancient Israel it is not hard to believe.
As I said at the end of each chapter there is the section called Burden Bearers, I think that was my second favorite part because it helped me to understand what I feel, and maybe how to help me verbalize that to 'normal' people. It also helped me to keep in perspective that people don't generally say or do things to be intentionally cruel, and I recognize the fact that I may take things a little to personally....no the woman at wal-mart is not intentionally pregnant just to hurt my feelings, no the cashier is not being cruel when she asks about how many kids I have when I'm purchasing stuff for the other children in my life, and no Mother's Day and Father's Day were not created to remind me we have no children! Being able to read Jennifer's personal journey with those same issues was something I was able to connect with, her stories of not being able to sit through a Mother's Day service at church, or the child dedications was eerie in the similarity to the struggle's Mark and I feel at those same occasions.
My only complaint about this book is that is came from a woman on the other side. Jennifer and her husband have successfully had two children and while I don't think it discredits her book, I would like to read something on fertility by someone who has never seen the otherside. I just started ready Baby Hunger and its the same thing the author dealt with years of struggle and now has two kids, where is the book by someone who dealt with years of infertility and never got to the otherside? I dunno. But Hannah's Hope is a wonderful book that everyone should read and I highly recommend it!

Possibilities

Mark and I (and by Mark and I, I mean I) made a decision to look into foster-adoptions here in Arkansas...........I had just planned on emailing the lady to just see what the differences would be from Michigan, what we could expect in Arkansas, etc. Just some basic information to think about. Instead she invites me to an orientation meeting that is tomorrow....This was earlier in the week, and my schedule was pretty set to have a Service Unit meeting tomorrow in Oklahoma. But somehow God had a plan for me to go because the same morning I was invited to the orientation I got an email from my Service Unit Director informing me the meeting was being pushed back to next week (which is a whole list of inconvenient for next week but I guess that's why God says to only worry about today).
SO now I'm going to the meeting tomorrow...just want to check it out. No pressure, no absolutes. Mark and I talked about it and decided that there is no reason not to check out the process, no reason not to get licensed. That way if we do decide to adopt we're ready to go without having to do the process at that point.
I haven't been able to stop thinking about adoption, I know we're in Arkansas and its a legitimate reason to push back from the adoption table, but it just hasn't felt right to me. If we were pregnant being in Arkansas wouldn't change anything, so why should it change our adoption? On the bright side I checked out the Michigan Adoption Resource Exchange website and was glad (and a little sad) to see that the girl we were interested in is no longer listed. It is a real relief to know that she found a home and I feel much less guilty about leaving.
So please, please, please, please, pray for us as we tentitively step back into the adoption arena! Like I said we have no immediate plans to adopt, we're just trying to be prepared (I am a Girl Scout after all and that is our motto! :-D). Pray we just keep trying to figure out God's will for our family, and that it all works out how it is supposed to, and that in particular I don't push to hard to get my way regardless of what is right for us or meant for us!
Love you all, and I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow!

A Hair Post :-)

As you may know if you've read my previous post I will be doing a fundraiser for St Baldricks and in November I'll be shaving my head to help raise money for cancer research! I'm super excited, and a bit nervous.

The post-shower, pre-dye picture at Wal Greens

Well earlier this year I made a decision to see if I could go a whole year without getting my hair cut (more than a trim) or dyeing my hair! I'm about 3-4 months into that test.....well tonight I failed miserably because I did both! But with good intentions. This is because after researching the requirements to donate my hair to the Pantene Beautiful Lengths campaign I found that my hair would not be acceptable. Mostly due to my love affair with hair dye.

Did blond earlier this year, didn't love it

I've been dyeing my hair for years, I think the first time was in 7th or 8th grade, and I've been pretty regular about it since....I've done quite a wide range of colors as well, going from blonde to dark brown to purple to auburn and just about every color in between. Dyeing my hair is something I do when I'm bored.

One of my favorites!

There is also a slight vanity to it because in my family people go gray/white very early.
My father had a streak of gray that was like a skunk streak. We all assumed my sister, who inherited our father's coloring and looks would get that lovely trait....well of course it didn't work like that. By the time I was 18 or 19 I was starting to get gray hairs in exactly the same spot while my sister (who's never dyed her hair) might just now be getting gray's! Well I've decided to give up my expensive habit entirely! Once my head is shaved and I never have to worry about my roots showing (which is a HUGE pet peeve of mine) I won't by dyeing my hair anymore! I just really hope if I do go gray/white I get lucky and it'll go quickly and be pretty like my grandma's hair!

My most common color

So this might not be the last time I dye my hair before November, I was paralyzed by the choices at Wal-Greens this afternoon and might want to revisit some of my favorite colors before I give up the habit!

Waiting for the goop to set

So today I chose dark brown, who knows what I'll do next. But I've set a limit I've got 8 weeks left to torture my hair with dye and then I'm done! If you haven't had a chance to check out my St Baldricks page check it out! I'm really excited, I told everyone at work about it (just wanted to make sure they knew so that when I show up to my department retreat a few days later I don't scare anyone) and my supervisor just said 'thanks for the heads up (haha get it)' so that was encouraging! My two co-workers that started with me were excited for me to and encouraged me to plan a big event in Fayetteville, which I'm still looking at, but might wait a bit longer just because I don't have nearly the connections or knowledge of the area yet! Well that's all for now, still reading Hannah's Hope and still really enjoying it, also had my first RedBox experience, and was a little disappointed with the lack of selection! I miss Family Video! So I ended up with Sherlock Holmes which I've seen a few times but always enjoy.

The finished product, and new bangs

"If even a virgin could give birth to a baby, I must really be in bad shapt."

So I'm reading a book called Hannah's Hope by Jennifer Saake. I'm almost halfway through it ( I started reading yesterday) and so far I've laughed, cried, and more often than I'd like to admit completely understood what the author has been through. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has gone through the infertility process, or dealt with miscarriage or lost adoption. Its been refreshing to read a book that so clearly deals with the things I've been through lately. But at the same time it has really confirmed in my mind that we will never go through extensive fertility treatments. I want a family more than anything, but I know that families can look like different things. Right now my family is a family of two. And that can be ok, hopefully my family will grow in the near future if possible. But if not I have to learn to be ok with that. It has definitely re-affirmed my desire to adopt out of the foster system. I almost feel selfish trying for a baby when SO MANY kids need a home that I can provide.  And part of me can't help but think how much easier my life would be if we stopped trying. The pain of month after month not conceiving is like a little knife that keeps twisting, added to that if I went back on an oral birth control a LOT of the symptoms of my PCOS would clear up and make my life much nicer on my body. And the irony that going on birth control would help ease the symptoms of the thing keeping me from getting pregnant is not lost on me!! Trust me! Anyways just wanted to let ya'll (hehe southern influences!) know about this book and once I finish it I will definitely post again on how I feel at the end of it.

Wow I know another posting!

SO I did it! Or at least I'm going to do it! I signed up to be a shavee with St. Baldricks and am going to face the shaver in November when I head back to Michigan for a school thing/visit. I still am also kicking around the idea of doing a BIG event here in Fayetteville in March. But I haven't decided yet. Otherwise I know for sure that March 2012 I'll definitely be doing an event here. I'm sorta nervous but actually really excited to be doing this! I was taking a shower this morning and actually thought what a relief it would be to not have to wash so much hair every morning!! Haha....I'm super pumped about this event, and this organization! I'm going to be coming up with a plan in the next few weeks about the specifics of where, when, and how everyone can come celebrate my new baldness!!! But for now check out my event page, make a donation, if you'd be interested in joining me I'd love to have you, if you'd be interested in just being there to watch that would be fun to!

Goals

So after last weeks slightly depressing post I have decided to come up with a life list of sorts letting you all know my goals for the next year, five years, ten years, lifetime. So that this way you all can hold me accountable for them, and help encourage me to meet them. :-) some are pretty out there, others are pretty basic, but all in all these are the goals I have decided to set for myself. Please feel free to comment, share, pray for me as I reach for them, and push me when I need it!!

By 12/31/2010

• Read at least one Jane Austin book cover to cover (or kindle beginning to end as the case may be)
• Start taking Aikido lessons
• Get pregnant and/or restart the adoption process in Arkansas
• Make my recruitment goals at work and get my bonus!

By 12/31/2011

• Train to 
• become a self-defense instructor
• become a CPR/First Aid instructor
• speak Spanish fluently (or be on my way to that goal)
• Finish writing my book. To see my progress check out my page on Scribd
•  Have at least one child
• See the Grand Canyon
• Go on a cruise
• Let go of vanity and shave my head for cancer St. Baldricks
• Become a Boy Scout troop leader since I can't be a Girl Scout Troop Leader

By 12/31/2015

• Buy a house
• Get Mark through college :-D
• Finish my Master's degree
• Learn how to change my own oil
• Write a second book
• Spend a month living in a different country and/or host an exchange student

By 12/31/2030

• Renew my vows
• Be a PTA/Soccer mom with a carload of kids :-D
• Have visited every continent 
• Seen every Presidential Museum
• Run for public office whether that's a city council rep, State Rep, Senator, President ;-)
• Have my PhD
• Start my own non-profit
• Teach someone how to read
• Be a good/happy person
• Be graceful
• Do something absurdly generous

So that is my list as of now. Just because it's under the 2030 category doesn't mean I can't do it sooner, I could theoretically do all of it by the end of next year....though I don't think I'll have the time or resources to necessarily do that. :-) I can't wait to scratch things of the list and add new things to the list as I think of them.
Love you all!

A few thoughts on our family

So it's been pretty tough for me lately....if I hadn't accepted this job offer Mark and I would have been licensed by now....that is something I've really been having a hard time wrapping my head around, we'd possibly be parents by now. I won't lie I get choked up just thinking about it. We'd have a daughter getting ready for a new school year, getting used to new routines, making new traditions, being a family. I knew when I accepted the job that this would be the hardest part.
But sometimes I realize just how real it was. Particularly with my job being so involved in the schools and being around little girls that are the same age as the girl we were interested in can sometimes kick me right in the chest.
We've decided to focus on the fact that maybe we'll be having a baby. That was always a possibility, we knew going into the adoption process that if we got pregnant than we'd pull out of the adoption as long as placements had been started. So I keep trying to tell myself that we gave up the adoption in MI so that we could come to AR and have a baby. That wouldd be great if we were actually pregnant, which we're not.....and we've now crossed the one year mark of trying to get pregnant. But because of the move I obviously couldn't keep my appt with the doctor to step up our fertility efforts.....double sigh...
I've got a number of friends, family members, acquaintances who of course are pregnant right now, or just recently had a baby. And it's not that I'm not thrilled for them (I am! I love being an Auntie) but when it rains it pours, everytime we hear of another pregnancy Mark and I share that brief moment of utter envy. Don't get me wrong we are truly happy for them I can't stress that enough, but it hurts to...I suppose what hurts more is when I see those parents who don't give their children the time of day, I'll never understand how it is fair that so many people who don't even care if they have kids/or don't really want kids seem to have so many!
Part of me regrets leaving behind the adoption, I honestly have so many doubts about it sometimes....she may not even know who we were but I knew who she was, and I saw her in our family, I will always pray for her, wondering where she is, if she ever found the forever family she was looking for. And who knows we may never even have been a match for her, but I'll never know will I, could Mark and I have been her family? So I know this is a bit of a downer post, which is why I separated it from the other one, but my heart has been heavy with this and I needed to share....Pray for me please, and Mark to. We (mostly I) are trying to learn to trust that there is a plan and that I didn't royally screw it up by taking this job. Part of me almost wishes we'd be told that there is no way we'll have a baby it almost seems like it would hurt less to be able to grieve that and let go, rather than keep wondering. To be able to stop wishing and hoping that every little symptom I even remotely feel I'm having is a possibility of a baby. I really am quite good at deluding myself, and for that brief day or two I let myself imagine the possibilities, the cute little curly haired little boy or girl with my dimples and Mark's eyes...ok enough self-pitying I love you all.

Nicole

Southern Hospitality

So I've been living in the south for just over a month now. It as weird at work yesterday we (me and the two other girls who started at the same time) received an email from our HR director informing us that we had reached our 30 mark. It was so weird, it alternately feels like we just started and have been there forever. We really hit the ground running, August and September are the busiest season for Membership staff, we have to try and get to all the schools in our area (one of my school districts has 16 elementary schools) make fliers, meet our Service Unit teams, plan recruitment events, along with a bunch of other stuff. So needless to say we've been busy. Which I like because I've never been one to sit around and be bored. I've got two areas in Oklahoma that I'm responsible for, and they're pretty much needing to be rebuilt from scratch. So I've been out there a lot, I'm really getting to know the guys at Enterprise. Which kinda sucks because if I'm going to drive an hour to hour and a half out there I'm going to get as much out of it as possible, so I end up being out of the office for at least half the day. Luckily my two other areas are less than half an hour away from the office, so I can take quick trips up there no problem.
Everyone at work has been really nice, actually I've notice that everyone down here in general is really nice! What they say about southern hospitality is totally true! For instance, twice now the cashiers at Wal-Mart Neighborhood Markets (which are like just the grocery side of a Wal-Mart which is super convenient for quick trips on my way home from work) has helped me put my bags in my cart. I also bought a couch/chair/ottoman off of Craigslist (which is practically new and super nice). When I told the lady that I wanted to buy them, but couldn't pick them up seeing as how I don't know anyone well enough here to ask them to help me move furniture. So she offered to bring them to town and deliver them. She also said she'd be glad to introduce me to her kids that go to the University of Arkansas (she thought I was a student also). People don't just do that in Michigan, at least I've never seen it! It's kinda nice, I like friendly people. Now I just have to try and make some friends. Which isn't exactly something I'm really good at. I don't even know where to start. Sigh, so if anyone has any advice on where and how to make friends I'd really appreciate it.

Moving is Insane!

So I guess I should update everyone on the move to Arkansas! So far it's been interesting. I love my job, it's really great and I am super excited about growing Girl Scouts in this area. Because my only Girl Scout experience was like a year when I was really young, and I didn't like it, and a couple years of camp I had a lot to learn. The new Girl Scouts branding just came out and they've also been working to make Girl Scouts more responsive to the needs of girls and it's SO COOL!! They have these things called Journey's that take Girl SCouts beyond the typical crafts, camping, cookies idea that everyone has. It really encourages girls to make a difference in their community and global awareness and all that. So I definitely am excited about getting out there and recruiting not only girls but also adult volunteers. Because without them there is no Girl Scouts! The two other girls that started the same day as me are really great! We've really been working together nicely as we try and figure everything out together. I'm of course the youngest but not by much (only about a year or so).
I signed a lease last week and have been waiting to move in until this week. I didn't want to have to pay the pro-rated rent for the week when I'd already paid for the hotel. Moving is expense, though I'm sure everyone already knew that. Luckily our apartment complex we signed with has a great deal right now. We get the first and the last months rent free. Woo! Which is really good cause things have been adding up fast!
Mark is coming down this weekend and I can't wait to see him!!! It'll be nice to get to spend some time together even though I'll be working and have some evening events that I'll need to be at, but it will be really nice to come home to my hunny! But it will be really hard to drive him to the airport on Saturday.
Well I can't really think of anything else. I miss the weather back home I know that, it's HOT here, and we're lucky because of the higher elevation we've been spared the heat advisory. But it's still in the mid-90's with humidity that makes it feel like 100-110!! I hope people come visit cause there is some really cool stuff here in Fayetteville! The area around the University is really cool, the area is absolutely beautiful. We're in the Ozarks so the area is pretty mountainous and the drive here was beautiful! And of course I miss my family and friends back home! But the people here are really friendly! I'd say way more friendly than in MI, or at least in Holland/Zeeland. I tried a new church on Sunday (that went quite well) it was fairly small probably around 75 people, or at least less than 100. While I was there waiting for the service to start, a couple of the elders came up and introduced themselves. The one teaching that day was all excited to introduce me to his wife who is a girl scout leader, and she was all excited to invite me back, and said I should come out to their house for game nite with their small group. I'll definitely be going back this week so hopefully it goes just as good.
Well that's all for now...

First day of the rest of our lives...

So it has been a while since I updated. I decided to take the job with the Girl Scouts. I leave for Arkansas on Friday! I'm so nervous!! But very exited too! This is my very first grown up job, working 40 hours a week for a salary with benefits and responsibility. It will be my opportunity to see if all my schooling and life up to this point has prepared me for a real job! Yikes.
Things have worked out quite well for me, I was nervous about what would happen with school, drill, etc. But things have worked out. I dropped my classes from the second half of summer, and my first class from spring ended the week before I got the job offer sot hat went well. My class that covers the whole 12 weeks of summer was what had me nervous. My professor had told the class that we could not miss any classes or we'd fail. Yikes, so I emailed him and luckily he was very willing to be flexible. For drill I will be drilling in Arkansas and they will send paperwork back to Michigan.
Most of our furniture has been sold, and I've been doing quite a bit of packing. I'll be taking a carload of stuff with me tomorrow, Mark will be coming down in August with a moving truck with the majority of our stuff and we'll signing a lease. I'll be looking at townhouses/apartments/duplexes for the next two weeks after work and such. so hopefully when Mark comes down I will have narrowed down the list to a couple of places that we can go look at together. Then he will be coming back down to Arkansas for good in Sept/Oct after finishing out our lease and making sure that we have benefits until mine kick in.
I start my first day on Monday at 10AM!! I'm super nervous, I mean this is my first grown up job, with responsibility and expectations and a salary! I'm curious how did you all feel before your first day as a grown up? Cause I'm super nervous, excited, and a bit apprehensive about letting people down. When we went up north over the holiday weekend it was a little bittersweet. It was great to get to see family and spend time with them. But it was also a little sad because we stopped at a couple different cemetery's across the UP. While we were in the Soo we went out to see my Grandpa James' and my dad's graves. I was quite proud of my ability to remember where it was since I hadn't been there in years. We brought some flowers and a baseball (for those that don't know my Grandpa was big in sports). In Newberry we stopped and saw Tiffany's grave. I'd never been before so we had a bit of a time finding it. And lastly in Manistique we stopped by Grandma Jessick and Jessica's graves. So many people in my life that I owe so much to, and hopefully have made proud. I wonder what they'd think of my first grown-up job, of me, of my life choices. I'd like to think they're happy.
So any words of advice or encouragement would great, plus any great first day stories would amuse me :-D
Pray for me please hopefully the trip will be uneventful and I'll arrive in our new town sometime Saturday afternoon.

love you all,
Nicole

Changes coming!

So as I blogged about last time, I've actually been getting some notice for the 10 million resumes I've sent out across the country. I had the interview with the Girl Scouts and it went really well, they asked me for a second interview and references and that also went really well. I had the interview in Grand Haven, didn't go so well. And then got called for another interview in Kalamazoo with a different organization. That is scheduled for next week. Well this morning I got an offer from the Girl Scouts! It would be in either Little Rock or Fayetteville and they want to know by tomorrow morning!!
So now some hard decisions have to made and prayed about. Moving away from family and everything we know wasn't as hard to think about when it was in the abstract of a possible job offer. Now that the offer is here I don't know what to think. Little bit scared because I've never had a 'real' job before so my fear of failure comes out. But then I also have that twinge of not wanting to leave what is comfortable and nice about Holland. We really do love it here, we've got a great church, good friends, family close by, and we're halfway through our adoption process. But I also know that I have to be open to wherever God is calling us, and that may actually be Arkansas. To get this offer before we have kids/are finished with the homestudy process may be perfect timing. I really don't know. Mark would be able to go back to school, I'd finally be working, we'd be in a place with a lower cost of living, and who knows maybe Arkansas is perfect for us. You never know until you jump right? So today will be an interesting day, Mark and I have a lot to talk about, and a really big decision to make. I would really like it if everyone could pray for us/me as we make this decision, I really want to make the right one.

Big big and bigger news!

So wow, it's been a while since I've updated and SO much has been going on. Firstly we scheduled our second homestudy meeting with our caseworker. We're set to meet on July 9th! It will be an opportunity for us to go over our answers on our paperwork, he will do a more thorough inspection of our house, and such. Second big news is that we have our PRIDE training scheduled, well at least we will as long as I can get out of class for one of the days and Mark can get out of work. Once those a done we will have completed our end of everything.
So now for the bigger news....I got called for 2 job interviews!! I know I know not really adoption related, but it could have some ramifications. The first interview is for the Girl Scouts! It's pretty much the same position that I could have had an interview for back in Sept. It is a Membership Specialist position which is responsible for recruiting volunteers and girls and doing some other side projects as needed. It's a pretty awesome job great for a first time job in the sector and it would be so nice to have a full-time job. So now for the downside....it's in Arkansas!! So that would mean we would have to restart the adoption process in Arkansas, and of course all of the logistics of moving cross country!
The second job is for an administrative assistant/receptionist position for a real estate management company. The job is full time with benefits making a rather nice salary. This job is located in Grand Haven, which means we'd both be working full-time I'd be able to stay in school, Mark would be able to go back to school, and we wouldn't have to move or put the adoption on hold. But it would change some family dynamics with me working full-time.
And of course now I just got an email from one of the officers on base about a position he thought I might be interested in. WOW when it rains it pours.
So the interview went ok with the real estate management company. I didn't nail it, but it wasn't awful. I should know by early next week if they want me for a second interview.
The interview with the Girl Scouts went really good! It was a phone interview and it was 45min long! She asked for references and had me fill out an employment application and background check release. So I filled them out and sent them back and she asked me for a second interview on Monday! WOW! Not sure what to think, it's happening really fast, they would want me to start mid-July the 14th/19th. So we'll see how the second interview goes, see if I hear anything from Grand Haven and spend a lot of time praying for guidance.
So not sure what's going to happen in the next few weeks but it will be interesting that's for sure. Pray for us please!

Paperwork patience and dining out

So it's been a while since I've updated....sorry!! We had a GREAT meeting with our caseworker, he was super nice and we basically just had a get to know you meeting. He did a cursory walk-through of our apartment and spent most of his visit (just over an hour) talking with us about everything. Where we're from, what kind of music/movies we like, where we work. That kind of stuff. He forgot our paperwork because it accidentally got mailed to us, so I got it the Wednesday after he meet with us (more on that later). We found out that the reason he hadn't gotten ahold of us, and why we'd seen no forward motion mostly likely had to do with our fingerprints...The way those work is they take a digital scan of our prints. Then they are sent to the state for processing, if they don't get a good enough scan than they send them back once a week for 4 weeks. After that point they bring someone in who can digitally clean up our scans, if that doesn't work we have to get printed again. The way our caseworker works it that usually he waits til the scans our back in case something is in our past that would need to be addressed. But because I'm so persistent he agreed to meet with us and trust us when we said we aren't criminals!
So now on to the paperwork! HOLY COW!! Between the two of us there are 25 pages worth of paperwork in this step. Each of us has 12 pages of paperwork that is all details of our own childhood, relationships with family, ideas on discipline, how we think our lives will change with a kid that kind of stuff. So it's not paperwork that is super easy to fill out, it requires a lot of introspection and writing! I think the hardest question for me was what was my favorite childhood memory and worst memory. The favorite wasn't hard, I have great memories of playing with my cousins as a child.
It was the bad memory that was harder for me, not because I couldn't think of one, but because I couldn't choose the worst one. Do I choose the memory of going to my friends funeral as a freshman, or my grandpa's, grandma's? Do I choose moving away from family and friends to a HUGE new school? How bout my relationship with my dad? Never easy things to deal with I didn't know what to choose... so it was stuff like that in these questions. Nothing real easy, other than the describe your house ones haha. But I got mine done, now I have to wait patiently for Mark to do his, he has a HUGE family which makes his so much longer to fill out, and he doesn't have as much time as I do to fill out paperwork. So I'm lucky if he can get 2 or 3 questions a night done. So I have to be careful not to push him to much to do them. I want him to want to fill out the paperwork.
So now on to dining out, we use this budgeting website called www.mint.com this is a site that takes all the information from all of your banking/loan/credit card's and complies that for an easy to read graph. I realized that our food budget was pretty evenly split between groceries and dining out! Not that I'm worried about our bills, or anything we can completely afford our dining out habit, but what would I be able to do with that money if we ate at home more? Would I be able to buy more organic, but less pre-packaged/unhealthy foods? As I get closer and closer to being a mom I wonder more and more about how am I going to feed my family. I would love to be one of those super organized mom's/people who plans out a weeks worth of meals, and goes grocery shopping for just what we need. But I'm so not! I go grocery shopping and buy whatever I 'feel' like getting, dinner is whatever I 'feel' like making, and on those occasions (which are pretty frequent) when I don't 'feel' like making dinner, or nothing 'sounds' good we go out, or order Panera Bread. I REALLY need to work on that. I want to have it planned, so Mark can just throw dinner in the oven, or so that I can know that my kids/family are eating something healthy and as a result have something for Mark to take to work for lunch. SO I just wonder what everyone else does. I know where I learned my habits, it's exactly what my mom does, no fault to her it's not a bad way to live, but I have always dreamed of being one of those super organized, graceful, generous people and well I'm a total klutz, will never be considered graceful. I think I'm doin ok on the generous part, but is there hope for organized? That remains to be seen.

Patience is a Virtue

So not a whole lot has happened on the adoption front, we haven't heard yet from our caseworker and I called the other day but didn't hear back. So will be calling them again today. So we're basically just waiting, and I don't do that well. We're going to have to figure out when there are PRIDE trainings available, I know that will my school schedule I will not be able to do Saturdays, but I should be able to do the evenings ones during the week. Mark has been working a lot of hours, which is good, but they've been working a lot of Saturdays and so he probably won't be able to do the Saturday class either.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, scary I know. Mark and I have both agreed that we are going to continue to try and have a baby. So we needed to have a serious conversation in regards to what we would do if by some miracle we get pregnant. What we've come up with is that if we get pregnant before we are to far in the adoption process than we will focus our efforts on the baby and re-evalute for adoption in another year or two.
Because adoption is something we are planning on doing regardless of how many kids we have biologically. If we get to the point in adoption where we're looking at specific kids and our homestudy has gone through and all that then we will stop trying to have a baby and focus all our attention on our new child. (as it should be). ANd if by some chance we find out we're pregnant the same day we sign for the adoption, or have started talking seriously with the worker of a specific child, than we won't pull out on the adoption cause that would be cruel, so we'd just make sure the new child would be ok with a baby on the way and trust God to provide for us and help us be good parents to both. But the problem I'm having a hard time with is deciding which one do I hope for more? Of course I want a baby more than anything, but I also have always felt such a calling towards adoption and every time I look at the MARE website my heart breaks for these kids and I would love to bring all of them home. So while we are completely happy with however we start our family in my mind I struggle with which one do I hope happens more? Cause it's not as if we don't have some say in how much effort we put towards both, I'm 2.5 months away from the 6 month period my doctor reccommended before we go to a specialist (which for us would merely mean taking oral hormones since we won't be doing in-vetro).
So do we make that appointment, or do we continue with the adoption, how can I put my mind 100% towards both? I think it is easier for Mark because A. he is so laid back and B. it's not really his body that will be doing all the work. I'm just so torn right now. So my prayer every night is for God to show me which is his will, because I'm so not sure. I want a family, and know that is in the cards for us, but if He could just give me a sign as to which one is for us right now I'd really appreciate it!! I don't want to be like Sarai and not trust God for a child, but I do know that adoption is such a great thing. So welcome to my mind, and keep me in your prayers so I don't go crazy trying to figure this out. And don't think badly of me that I sorta hope we get option C. (baby and adoption) haha cause I want my cake and eat it to!!!

Caseworker

So we officially have a caseworker for our adoption!! It is very exciting! We had turned in our application last week and got a letter this weekend from Bethany letting us know who our caseworker is that would be contacting us for our homestudy. So we're hoping things go quickly from this point forward. We will still have to do our PRIDE training, which will be interesting given our different schedules. The next training offered at BCS is on the 15th and 22nd of May which would be great because it is so close, but the 15th is the first day of my class this summer urgh. But they are really good about letting people take the PRIDE training at different places, so we'll have to get a really good schedule of all the trainings in the area so that we can find something really soon! After our PRIDE training and homestudy we'll be done with that stuff. Luckily we live in an apartment that already has a lot of the stuff done, we've got the carbon monoxide detectors, the smoke detectors, the adequate room space for a child, and adequate space for play. Plus right outside our building is a kids play set and volleyball court, there are also a TON of kids within our little community. Which makes this a pretty nice area for a kid. On another plus side they said at our orientation that there had been a backlog at Lansing for processing applications, but currently they are up to speed and getting through applications quickly! so yay for us! Just thought I'd give you all an update, so looking forward to this continued movement forward!

Kid's Toys, and More fun

So today I wandered around Wal-Mart and had some fun buying some more specific purchases for our child. It's a little difficult because we don't know whether we'll be getting a boy or girl plus since they will be old enough to have specific personalities. So I was looking for some items that would be generic enough for any kid to like. So these are some of the things that made it into my shopping cart: Crayons, chalk, colored pencils, Yahtzee (since I finally learned how to play), Candy Land, Guess Who (which was ridiculously hard to put together by the way!). I also bought a couple of new kid friendly dvd's: Tarzan, Ice Age, Anastasia, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, and 17 Again.
I also got some more stuff for their room, including an alarm clock and clothes hamper, it's really feeling real when you're buying the everyday things that soon we're going to have a family!
For those of you know don't know, we're planning on homeschooling for at least the first year (longer if I can convince Mark) it's something I'm really passionate about, and considering I'll still be in school it works out well because I'll be home during the day with class at night. By homeschooling we'll be able to ensure that s/he will be up to speed with their class when they go back to school (unless I can convince mark to let me homeschool until High School (if that works for our family) I've been doing a lot of research on different curriculum's and such. I'm such a nerd I know, but I've really been enjoying looking at all the different options and seeing what other parents do.
So we're filling out our application, we both got fingerprinted, we're almost done with it, found a few more references, the hard thing is that we know lots of people that know each of us individually that would love to be references, but most of the people that know us as a couple are family which we can't use, so that's been a bit difficult. But we are very greatful to the those who have agreed to be references. It really means a lot to us that so many people are willing to stand with us in this process! It means so much!

Adoption Orientation

So we have finally made it to our Adoption Orientation at BCS!! YAY! There was really nothing to surprising, we got a TON of handouts that we went over, all of the information was really a lot that we already knew, so nothing new to report there. Mostly gave instances of behaviors and the like to expect, went over the legal rules and regulations, mostly for foster care but because in the state of Michigan the licensing process is mostly the same it was still useful, at BCS they license adoptive families for foster care to help speed up and smooth out the process so that if you get a child from across the state they can come live with you sooner while the adoption paperwork is still going through.
We got our application and are going to be filling it out tonight and scheduling our fingerprinting for as soon as possible, hopefully sometime this week. We got a little nervous because they discusses how long placement can take....they know some people that have been waiting years....but that really was more for people with really specific criteria for the children they are willing to adopt. For Mark and I if things don't work out with Sarah we are open to any children up to age 10 or 11 (we're slightly flexible on that top age, but don't want to get to the point where any child we have would be less than 10 years younger than us because that would be a bit awkward haha....but we'd have a lock on the 'cool parents') we don't have any expectations for gender or race, we're just looking for the child that we feel a connection with and feel God prompting us towards. So as you can tell by the picture we got a lot of papers from them, including our application that is 6 pages long plus the fingerprinting paperwork which is a page long also....after that there is a LOT of paperwork we'll need to fill out during the homestudy, but we're expecting that to go smoothly since we don't have any children or pets they would need to interview (yes they do interview pets!!) plus our home meets all the expectations already *except I'll have to turn down our hot water tank :-( no more super hot showers, water must be less than 120 degrees, which I'm guessing ours is higher than. But outside of that we need to figure out who our 5 references will be and get our doctor to fill out a paper saying we're healthy (glad we both did physicals recently) so hopefully because we plan to be proactive and aggressive about getting our stuff done we can get licensed within the next two months than be praying for a quick placement, but it will all work out in God's time! So love you all can't wait to tell you how our application process goes!

Ups and Downs

Hey guys so I am sure you are all wondering how our meeting went......well it never happened. No joke 5 minutes after I finished my last blog I called to sign us up for the meeting on the 23rd and was informed it had been canceled :-( the lady at the church that I talked to did not know why it was canceled so I was VERY disappointed. Patience has never been a virtue of mine so we're back to waiting until April 5! UGH, it really isn't cool! So Mark and I are still enjoying our signs, we'll hear or see something look at each other and just smile. I mean we were watching The Rescuers (classic) and I got a little teary at the end when the little girl gets adopted! haha I know I'm a sap! Other than that not much has happened. Got an email from the MARE people from when we had put in interest for Sarah, she basically gave the same info BCS did so nothing new there.
So I've decided now would be a good time to answer some of the questions I've been getting from people when they find out we're adopting because I'm sure some of you have the same ones.
Do you realize how much it costs to adopt? Yes we realize how much it costs to adopt an infant, anywhere from 10,000-50,000 dollars depending on age, international/domestic, and such. But we are not adopting an infant which makes a huge difference financially speaking. Because we are adopting a child out of the foster care system the state picks up a large portion of the costs *and by large I mean all of it* Even though we're working through Bethany Christian Services because they are a contractor of the state we don't have to pay their fees. Our only costs will be related to when we go to court a couple months after our child comes to live with us. But on a similar note even if we did have to pay Mark and I trust God to take care of us, we feel called to adopt and that means we trust God to help us through this process physically, emotionally, and financially. If we felt called to adopt an infant to another country we trust God would help us find the money for it, but we don't so we're not worried about the money.
Do you realize this child could have 'problems'- Sigh, yes we do realize that a child adopted will have a whole myriad of problems whether they are physically, mental, or emotional. Again we TRUST God to see us through. Children who aren't adopted can have any number of problems just like adopted children, if we we're having a baby I don't think people would doubt our abilities to handle those. But I understand that kids who have traumatic childhood's deal with attachment issues, and other problems. We're prepared for this as best as any new parent can be. We (and by we I mostly mean me cause I'm the nerd in the family) have done lots of research on Attachment Disorders, and the other unique issues children who are adopted face. We feel confident in our ability to deal with these issues as they arise and are not afraid to reach out for help if we feel overwhelmed. The key to adopting a child out of the system is to recognize when you can't handle things and reach out to the different services (counseling and such).
Don't you want kids of your own- oiy as soon as the papers are signed Sarah or whoever we adopt will be OURS! Yes we would still love to have a baby, but if that isn't in the cards for us we've accepted that. We've been trying since July to get pregnant and that just hasn't happened. I'll be honest with you all so if you are uncomfortable with this topic skip to the next question. it's been rough journey for us, I've got PCOS *polycystic ovarian syndrome* which has a whole host of fun (sarcasm) symptoms. Main of these is not ovulating on any type of normalcy which makes getting pregnant very difficult. Though many people with PCOS successfully get pregnant through modern tech such as in-vitro Mark and I are not willing to go that route. Kudos to those who are we aren't casting judgment, but we already knew we wanted to adopt so we will have a baby if that is what is meant for us, but if not we'll gladly have a large family of kids who truly need us.
You're only 22/23 why the rush- Mark and I both want to be young parents, yes that goes against the modern trend of waiting til the late 20's early 30's but it is a lifestyle decision for us. We want to be able to enjoy our children and eventually grandchildren (yes I really think that far ahead) we also want a large family (at least 4 kids maybe more!) having a family is really important to us both Mark is going to be an amazing father and I'm really excited about being a mom. The more time I spend with kids (my girls on the run team especially) the more I look forward to it. We know that we can always find a reason to wait to start our family we could always have more money, more vacations, more whatever but none of that is more important to us that our family so we are willing to work a little bit harder to have it all.
Anyways that's about all I can think of for the questions people ask me. If there is more you want to know just feel free to ask. Guess that is all for now, I'll let you know how the meeting on the 5th goes.

Love you all
Nicole

Signs, Signs, and More Signs

There have been so many signs that adoption is meant for us. It started with a Jone's Soda Cap and has included books, movies, songs, bible verses, church sermons, ads, presentations and so on and so on. Even now after we've made the decision we're still seeing them everywhere. At church last week there was a notice in the bulletin advertising a foster care/adoption meeting at church on the 24th. After church we stayed and talked to some friends of ours and were saying bye to Britton (our friend/pastor) and he introduced us to another couple in the church who had just gone through the process for foster care and were promoting the meeting on the 24th. After a quick hello we were on our merry way...later that week I received a really nice email from Ann (of the couple we meet at church) encouraging us in our adoption journey and personally inviting us to the meeting on the 24th. Now what is so special about this meeting you may ask.....well....it's exactly the same meeting that will be at BCS on April 5th!!! A whole 12 days earlier!! The only problem being that the 24th is a Wednesday, which is the same night I work at Parkway, so hopefully I can find someone to work for me otherwise Mark will get there on time and I'll meet him after I get out of work. Luckily I'm working first off, so I'd be able to get there around 7 or so.
So that would put us at getting out application in 12 days sooner and then our PRIDE and homestudy done 12 days sooner.
Then this week at church we had a presentation by BCS which was very interested. There are about 6,000 children in Michigan available for adoption and there are over 10,000 churches in Michigan. If each church did it's duty we could solve the adoption, well Mark and I have Ridgepoint covered so it's up to the rest of you to meet your churches quota ;-) haha j/k. Anyways Mark turned and looked at me and said 'did you know this was happening today *the presentation' I said no and he was blown away at how God keeps sending us signs. But it was definitely cool with me. Today on the radio they were talking about adoption to when I was driving home from teaching, it was a very interesting discussion on behavioral problems children might have when they are adopted.
So anyways we have a lot of great resources that we've been reading so if anyone is ever interested in checking them out let me know.
Love you all, can't wait to let you know when we've successfully made it to the meeting on the 24th instead of the 5th. I'll be sure to updated you as soon as possible.

Kid's Room

So we finally got the guest room completely turned into a kids room. In my opinion it looks AWESOME! We turned my old full-size bed into a twin bought a super cute comforter that is nice and neutral, we didn't really want to buy up any stuff until we know A. who we're getting and B. what their preferences/style is like. We also got a super cute dresser and night stand from Wal-Mart, I had a fun time putting those together, except for when I put the sides of the drawers on the wrong size and got frustrated when I couldn't figure out why the drawers weren't lining up!!! But here are some pictures of the final product!! And a picture of where all the stuff that used to be in the guest room that doesn't have a home yet ended up!!
Other than that we don't really have any news, got our informational packet from BCS the other day, it was filled with information that we already pretty much knew, but it did give us some more specifics on what they will be looking for in the home study. I was somewhat surprised by it, they look for a full medical history and recent physical, but won't deny someone with health problems. They look for a W-2's and recent tax filings, but won't deny someone based on low income as long as they show they can take care of another person. They look at housing, and age but again won't deny based on if you live in a house/apartment/trailer/whatever, and age they prefer 20's-45 but won't deny based on age either if you can show why. So yeah isn't it good to know they are making us jump through hoops to show them all this stuff but then say well it's great that you fit these certain criteria but if you don't we'll still take you anyways!
So we signed up for our informational meeting on the 5th of April, can't wait to go and fill out our application! We've been having a lot of fun letting everyone know about what we're doing, we had made sure we told family first and now we're pretty much telling people we meet on the street cause we're so excited. I've began volunteering with the Girls on the Run which is an AWESOME program for girls in 3rd thru 5th grade training them to run a 5k which culminates with a girls on the run 5k in 10 weeks. It's been super fun I have a really great group of 12 girls who are so much fun, and since the girl we're looking at adopting is a 9yr old girl I'm having a great time learning about 9 yr olds and they're having fun teaching me what's cool and such. It's awesome I really love it if you ever have a chance to work with Girls on the Run I highly recommend it!! Anyways that's all for today. Love you guys I'll keep you updated as we keep going.