A Hair Post :-)

As you may know if you've read my previous post I will be doing a fundraiser for St Baldricks and in November I'll be shaving my head to help raise money for cancer research! I'm super excited, and a bit nervous.

The post-shower, pre-dye picture at Wal Greens

Well earlier this year I made a decision to see if I could go a whole year without getting my hair cut (more than a trim) or dyeing my hair! I'm about 3-4 months into that test.....well tonight I failed miserably because I did both! But with good intentions. This is because after researching the requirements to donate my hair to the Pantene Beautiful Lengths campaign I found that my hair would not be acceptable. Mostly due to my love affair with hair dye.

Did blond earlier this year, didn't love it

I've been dyeing my hair for years, I think the first time was in 7th or 8th grade, and I've been pretty regular about it since....I've done quite a wide range of colors as well, going from blonde to dark brown to purple to auburn and just about every color in between. Dyeing my hair is something I do when I'm bored.

One of my favorites!

There is also a slight vanity to it because in my family people go gray/white very early.
My father had a streak of gray that was like a skunk streak. We all assumed my sister, who inherited our father's coloring and looks would get that lovely trait....well of course it didn't work like that. By the time I was 18 or 19 I was starting to get gray hairs in exactly the same spot while my sister (who's never dyed her hair) might just now be getting gray's! Well I've decided to give up my expensive habit entirely! Once my head is shaved and I never have to worry about my roots showing (which is a HUGE pet peeve of mine) I won't by dyeing my hair anymore! I just really hope if I do go gray/white I get lucky and it'll go quickly and be pretty like my grandma's hair!

My most common color

So this might not be the last time I dye my hair before November, I was paralyzed by the choices at Wal-Greens this afternoon and might want to revisit some of my favorite colors before I give up the habit!

Waiting for the goop to set

So today I chose dark brown, who knows what I'll do next. But I've set a limit I've got 8 weeks left to torture my hair with dye and then I'm done! If you haven't had a chance to check out my St Baldricks page check it out! I'm really excited, I told everyone at work about it (just wanted to make sure they knew so that when I show up to my department retreat a few days later I don't scare anyone) and my supervisor just said 'thanks for the heads up (haha get it)' so that was encouraging! My two co-workers that started with me were excited for me to and encouraged me to plan a big event in Fayetteville, which I'm still looking at, but might wait a bit longer just because I don't have nearly the connections or knowledge of the area yet! Well that's all for now, still reading Hannah's Hope and still really enjoying it, also had my first RedBox experience, and was a little disappointed with the lack of selection! I miss Family Video! So I ended up with Sherlock Holmes which I've seen a few times but always enjoy.

The finished product, and new bangs

"If even a virgin could give birth to a baby, I must really be in bad shapt."

So I'm reading a book called Hannah's Hope by Jennifer Saake. I'm almost halfway through it ( I started reading yesterday) and so far I've laughed, cried, and more often than I'd like to admit completely understood what the author has been through. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has gone through the infertility process, or dealt with miscarriage or lost adoption. Its been refreshing to read a book that so clearly deals with the things I've been through lately. But at the same time it has really confirmed in my mind that we will never go through extensive fertility treatments. I want a family more than anything, but I know that families can look like different things. Right now my family is a family of two. And that can be ok, hopefully my family will grow in the near future if possible. But if not I have to learn to be ok with that. It has definitely re-affirmed my desire to adopt out of the foster system. I almost feel selfish trying for a baby when SO MANY kids need a home that I can provide.  And part of me can't help but think how much easier my life would be if we stopped trying. The pain of month after month not conceiving is like a little knife that keeps twisting, added to that if I went back on an oral birth control a LOT of the symptoms of my PCOS would clear up and make my life much nicer on my body. And the irony that going on birth control would help ease the symptoms of the thing keeping me from getting pregnant is not lost on me!! Trust me! Anyways just wanted to let ya'll (hehe southern influences!) know about this book and once I finish it I will definitely post again on how I feel at the end of it.

Wow I know another posting!

SO I did it! Or at least I'm going to do it! I signed up to be a shavee with St. Baldricks and am going to face the shaver in November when I head back to Michigan for a school thing/visit. I still am also kicking around the idea of doing a BIG event here in Fayetteville in March. But I haven't decided yet. Otherwise I know for sure that March 2012 I'll definitely be doing an event here. I'm sorta nervous but actually really excited to be doing this! I was taking a shower this morning and actually thought what a relief it would be to not have to wash so much hair every morning!! Haha....I'm super pumped about this event, and this organization! I'm going to be coming up with a plan in the next few weeks about the specifics of where, when, and how everyone can come celebrate my new baldness!!! But for now check out my event page, make a donation, if you'd be interested in joining me I'd love to have you, if you'd be interested in just being there to watch that would be fun to!

Goals

So after last weeks slightly depressing post I have decided to come up with a life list of sorts letting you all know my goals for the next year, five years, ten years, lifetime. So that this way you all can hold me accountable for them, and help encourage me to meet them. :-) some are pretty out there, others are pretty basic, but all in all these are the goals I have decided to set for myself. Please feel free to comment, share, pray for me as I reach for them, and push me when I need it!!

By 12/31/2010

• Read at least one Jane Austin book cover to cover (or kindle beginning to end as the case may be)
• Start taking Aikido lessons
• Get pregnant and/or restart the adoption process in Arkansas
• Make my recruitment goals at work and get my bonus!

By 12/31/2011

• Train to 
• become a self-defense instructor
• become a CPR/First Aid instructor
• speak Spanish fluently (or be on my way to that goal)
• Finish writing my book. To see my progress check out my page on Scribd
•  Have at least one child
• See the Grand Canyon
• Go on a cruise
• Let go of vanity and shave my head for cancer St. Baldricks
• Become a Boy Scout troop leader since I can't be a Girl Scout Troop Leader

By 12/31/2015

• Buy a house
• Get Mark through college :-D
• Finish my Master's degree
• Learn how to change my own oil
• Write a second book
• Spend a month living in a different country and/or host an exchange student

By 12/31/2030

• Renew my vows
• Be a PTA/Soccer mom with a carload of kids :-D
• Have visited every continent 
• Seen every Presidential Museum
• Run for public office whether that's a city council rep, State Rep, Senator, President ;-)
• Have my PhD
• Start my own non-profit
• Teach someone how to read
• Be a good/happy person
• Be graceful
• Do something absurdly generous

So that is my list as of now. Just because it's under the 2030 category doesn't mean I can't do it sooner, I could theoretically do all of it by the end of next year....though I don't think I'll have the time or resources to necessarily do that. :-) I can't wait to scratch things of the list and add new things to the list as I think of them.
Love you all!

A few thoughts on our family

So it's been pretty tough for me lately....if I hadn't accepted this job offer Mark and I would have been licensed by now....that is something I've really been having a hard time wrapping my head around, we'd possibly be parents by now. I won't lie I get choked up just thinking about it. We'd have a daughter getting ready for a new school year, getting used to new routines, making new traditions, being a family. I knew when I accepted the job that this would be the hardest part.
But sometimes I realize just how real it was. Particularly with my job being so involved in the schools and being around little girls that are the same age as the girl we were interested in can sometimes kick me right in the chest.
We've decided to focus on the fact that maybe we'll be having a baby. That was always a possibility, we knew going into the adoption process that if we got pregnant than we'd pull out of the adoption as long as placements had been started. So I keep trying to tell myself that we gave up the adoption in MI so that we could come to AR and have a baby. That wouldd be great if we were actually pregnant, which we're not.....and we've now crossed the one year mark of trying to get pregnant. But because of the move I obviously couldn't keep my appt with the doctor to step up our fertility efforts.....double sigh...
I've got a number of friends, family members, acquaintances who of course are pregnant right now, or just recently had a baby. And it's not that I'm not thrilled for them (I am! I love being an Auntie) but when it rains it pours, everytime we hear of another pregnancy Mark and I share that brief moment of utter envy. Don't get me wrong we are truly happy for them I can't stress that enough, but it hurts to...I suppose what hurts more is when I see those parents who don't give their children the time of day, I'll never understand how it is fair that so many people who don't even care if they have kids/or don't really want kids seem to have so many!
Part of me regrets leaving behind the adoption, I honestly have so many doubts about it sometimes....she may not even know who we were but I knew who she was, and I saw her in our family, I will always pray for her, wondering where she is, if she ever found the forever family she was looking for. And who knows we may never even have been a match for her, but I'll never know will I, could Mark and I have been her family? So I know this is a bit of a downer post, which is why I separated it from the other one, but my heart has been heavy with this and I needed to share....Pray for me please, and Mark to. We (mostly I) are trying to learn to trust that there is a plan and that I didn't royally screw it up by taking this job. Part of me almost wishes we'd be told that there is no way we'll have a baby it almost seems like it would hurt less to be able to grieve that and let go, rather than keep wondering. To be able to stop wishing and hoping that every little symptom I even remotely feel I'm having is a possibility of a baby. I really am quite good at deluding myself, and for that brief day or two I let myself imagine the possibilities, the cute little curly haired little boy or girl with my dimples and Mark's eyes...ok enough self-pitying I love you all.

Nicole

Southern Hospitality

So I've been living in the south for just over a month now. It as weird at work yesterday we (me and the two other girls who started at the same time) received an email from our HR director informing us that we had reached our 30 mark. It was so weird, it alternately feels like we just started and have been there forever. We really hit the ground running, August and September are the busiest season for Membership staff, we have to try and get to all the schools in our area (one of my school districts has 16 elementary schools) make fliers, meet our Service Unit teams, plan recruitment events, along with a bunch of other stuff. So needless to say we've been busy. Which I like because I've never been one to sit around and be bored. I've got two areas in Oklahoma that I'm responsible for, and they're pretty much needing to be rebuilt from scratch. So I've been out there a lot, I'm really getting to know the guys at Enterprise. Which kinda sucks because if I'm going to drive an hour to hour and a half out there I'm going to get as much out of it as possible, so I end up being out of the office for at least half the day. Luckily my two other areas are less than half an hour away from the office, so I can take quick trips up there no problem.
Everyone at work has been really nice, actually I've notice that everyone down here in general is really nice! What they say about southern hospitality is totally true! For instance, twice now the cashiers at Wal-Mart Neighborhood Markets (which are like just the grocery side of a Wal-Mart which is super convenient for quick trips on my way home from work) has helped me put my bags in my cart. I also bought a couch/chair/ottoman off of Craigslist (which is practically new and super nice). When I told the lady that I wanted to buy them, but couldn't pick them up seeing as how I don't know anyone well enough here to ask them to help me move furniture. So she offered to bring them to town and deliver them. She also said she'd be glad to introduce me to her kids that go to the University of Arkansas (she thought I was a student also). People don't just do that in Michigan, at least I've never seen it! It's kinda nice, I like friendly people. Now I just have to try and make some friends. Which isn't exactly something I'm really good at. I don't even know where to start. Sigh, so if anyone has any advice on where and how to make friends I'd really appreciate it.