Merry Christmas

I hope everyone had a really nice Christmas! We did our best to keep up traditions (and make some new ones) down here as well! Work was really boring last week, because we were so slow! So me and the two other MMS's helped our shop person re-arrange and restock everything, then it was Tuesday haha j/k that did keep us busy (and warm) for a couple days! By the way, our building is SO weird, upstairs it will be hotter than ever but downstairs we're all bundled up in our coats and scarves and hats (particularly me with the hats) and there seems to be nothing we can do! Luckily when I was cleaning out the closet next to my office I found a space heater!! SCORE! So now we all take turns using it to heat up our offices. The only problem is that is is ancient and super loud so when it is your turn to warm up you can't hear anything going on! So by Thursday we were bouncing off the walls! Particularly because our monthly newsletter had said we'd be closed the 23-3, well we were open on the 23rd but no one made a correction so we only had about 3 people come in all day! It was the slowest day ever! But finally 5:30 rolled around and I got to go home and start getting ready for Christmas Eve!
Now I must explain...In my family Christmas Eve has always been a pretty big day. When we were little we'd go to church and then everyone (on my mom's side of the family) would all meet up at my Grandma's house and have lasagna (no idea how we got started on that as our traditional meal but I won't complain it's the BEST) and open presents and just have fun together as a family. After my Grandma passed away things changed, mostly we started meeting downstate, usually at my mom's or my aunts house. We still got together, still had lasagna, but it wasn't quite the same....last year we had our last big family get together at my cousins house. It was nice to have that time together with everyone particularly because my cousin passed away a month later :-( so that brings us to this year. A year that was going to be tough regardless, but was made even worse because Mark and I couldn't afford to fly home for the holidays. So we were determined to make the best of it!
Since I don't know how to cook for just two people I knew there would be plenty of food so we invited some people to come over. I invited two co-workers and their families, and Mark invited one of his co-workers. Well only one of my co-workers ended up coming, but she brought her husband and daughter. So I spent the day making my very first lasagna! And it was AWESOME! Mark helped me clean the house and childproof our guestroom (their daughter is 3) and we were set. Since we were hosting they invited us to go to church with them, which was a really nice Baptist candlelight service, it reminded me a lot of the services from my childhood. And then we went back to our house!
It was really fun to get to hang out, the girls shared a bottle of wine, the boys a Sam Adam's winter mix and we just sat around our counter (cause we have no table still) and enjoyed good food and good company!
After they went home Mark and I opened presents from my sister and brother-in-law and Mark's mom and he stayed up playing the new game Rachel got him (which thankfully was not the same one I had gotten him!) and I went to bed!! The next morning we got up and opened our presents to each other (first time in 3 years we've been able to open our presents Christmas morning, we always had to do Christmas Eve morning because of all our family commitments) and then lazed around and ate leftovers!! It was a great day! I got SUPER spoiled like usual! I was really nice to Mark this year, I never give him a list, I figure if there is anyone who should know me well enough to know what to get it would be him! But this year I did give him a lot of hints and he caught them all! I got a new picture frame/pencil holder for my desk at work, a new Nancy Drew game (cause I  LOVE them), a new shelf for the apartment, an awesome Ipod player that I can hook my Ipod into and it'll play through the speakers and it has a remote! It's awesome! and then the best gift of all, Mark painted me 4 pictures! They were on smaller canvases and each one is a different flower (not his typical art, but cause he loves me he did an amazing job!) the main focus of the picture is the painted flower, and then he used pastels to do the background! I love them so much! He is taking a painting class this semester I can't wait to see what he does after that!
So that was our Christmas, it was nice, relaxing, full of food and presents and friends, and of course love! We're still waiting on another box from my parents (woohoo extended Christmas hehe) and then our Christmas will be done! But for being so far away it wasn't so bad, other than missing everyone so much! Hope everyone else had a great Christmas as well!

Love you all,
Nicole

Making a Choice...

Part of the reason it has been so long since updating the blog is because I've been sorting through a lot of stuff in my mind. 3 things mostly:

1. Body image/ baby stuff
2. Tough time with the move
3. Mental attitude.

So starting with number 1. I've always had a fairly poor body image. See if you can follow this timeline: in high school I thought I was overweight and ugly.
I went to Basic lost 30-40 pounds, was in the best shape of my life, and got a lot of attention (that sadly I just loved)
I came back and gained all that weight back plus about an extra 15 pounds.
Went overseas for the first time lost 20 pounds
Came back, started dating Mark, got married etc, gained back probably 25-30 pounds
Went overseas again lost 15 pounds
Came back gained back 25

are we noticing a pattern here?

Anyways over all since High School (where I thought I was just awful) I've gained about 50 pounds. Now I look back at pictures from then and want to hit myself (don't even look at pictures from after basic because I literally feel sick). I've fluctuated a ton in these different weight, I find I can work out a ton and not lose weight which is very frustrating. So finding a routine of healthy eating (which I pretty much do, its more a matter of going from healthy eating (balanced) to ultra-healthy (no sugar, no unhealthy carbs, no fats, aka never going to happen) eating).
Something that doesn't help the equation is a husband who is 100% supportive. Weird I know, you'd think that's a good thing. Well it is, sorta. The bad thing is that he is 100% supportive of whatever I want, whether that's ice cream for dinner, or working out every day. Other bad thing, is that said supportive husband actually lost weight when he went to college (so much for the freshman 15) and hasn't really fluctuated more than 10 pounds in the 5 years since we graduated. UGH!!! So I need to work not just on motivation because trust me I KNOW I need to lose weight. I KNOW I will feel better if I work out everyday (supposedly) I KNOW our chanced of having a baby will be greater if I lose weight, I KNOW life in general will be better if I lost at least 30 pounds. The problem comes with getting that motivation to actually do something.
So I've bought a gym membership at a great gym that has a ton of cool classes, a pool for lap swimming, great equipment, etc. But having gotten sick the weekend after getting the membership I have not really made it there. Not that I'm sure that would have really made much difference, I'm sure I would have found some other excuse. So I guess it is something I'll continue to work on, see if I can find someone to be  a workout buddy with (because even though my husband is 100% supportive getting his butt to a gym is next to impossible, though the one time I did I totally out swam him which goes to show just because I'm fat I am in some ways in better shape than my skinny hubby) or just whap myself over the head until it sticks in my brain that this is something I need to do for myself.

So onto number 2!

Moving to Arkansas has been far from easy, leaving friends and family and comfortable surroundings in order to move somewhere completely foreign is not really fun. But sometimes what's best for yourself and family is to do the less fun option. When we started living together/got married Mark and I agreed that he would work full-time while I was in school so I could concentrate on getting my degree and Mark could figure out what he wanted to do. So Mark got a good job at Haworth (for which we will be eternally grateful) we had health insurance, a good salary, I was able to work part-time and go to school full-time. We easily good have stayed in Holland, Mark enjoyed working at Haworth with his friends, the money was good, I could have continued to go to school and hope to someday get a job in Holland. But I saw the danger in staying....Mark could get to comfortable at Haworth, get promoted, and never have the need to push himself into school. I could find a job there and we'd never have the need to go outside of those circumstances...Not that that is a bad thing, I love my family, friends, church, life back in Holland. But growth hurts, it's uncomfortable, and I knew it was necessary.
Well that's easy to say when you are comfortably sitting near friends and family, but having now spent almost 5 months I can say, very begrudgingly, that it was still the right decision.

Which brings us to number 3

My mental attitude.
Ok for as long as I can remember I have the ability to be COMPLETELY negative I can not only sulk, but I can totally ruin anything for people around me. Some days are more of a battle than others, but lately it's been harder than ever. I think it has something to do with being sick, I've been fighting this awful cold for almost a week and it definitely makes me cranky! And something to do with number 2. I have days where it doesn't matter what someone says to me I am totally irked, annoyed, angry to the point of tears. Those days I think my continual prayer is 'Lord, please don't let me say anything.' 'Lord, please keep my mouth shut.' Etc. Sigh. It is exhausting to try and be nice all day at work to everyone whether I want to or not (such is the game of any job that deals with John Q Public) and then to have to keep myself from being mean at home. My poor hubby, I don't know why he likes me! So I have been trying very hard to make the decision every day to be nice, to be happy, to be positive...it's exhausting. Add that to number 1 and number 2 and some days are rough.
Today was a particularly rough one. I can' really work out because I'm still coughing my lungs up and all. Being away from all things familiar is hard, and I had some work related annoyances thanks to procedure type things that hamstring my ability to do my job successfully. and that makes number 3 SO HARD...anyways I guess that's all.

I'll put a genuine update on the things going on with us. Sorry if I gave anyone the idea that life is just horrible, it's not! I'm super lucky to have an amazing husband, to have a job, to be making friends here, etc. So don't go feeling to bad for us, just wanted to share a little bit about the semi-nerocotic workings of my brain haha.
Love you all

It's About Time

I know, I know, I know...I've been HORRIBLE about updating. I'm sorry! I promise to do better, in fact today I'll probably do at least two posts today, because I have two very different topics on my mind.
Firstly, I'm really excited to share the video from my St Baldrick's event! It was so amazing, and let me tell you, being bald is very liberating! I was so excited in general to be back in MI and see family and friends, I was impressed by the number of people who actually came to my event! It was very gratifying!! I was especially pleased that my Aunt Cathy was able to come, she even got to be a guest shaver! So far, including the money I've gotten at the event and from people I work with I've made a total of $853 of my $1,000 goal! So if you haven't donated yet, don't worry there is still time. You can still make donations online here or by giving me a check or cash. I'd love to meet my goal, but even if I don't, just think how cool it would be if this money was the tipping point in life saving research!! Yay us!
So to watch the video, the most effective way I've found is by posting it on YouTube. So I shall link it.....Here! :-) Enjoy, and I'd love to know what you think, this was my first attempt at making a video with my Mac's video software, I really enjoyed making it, so I hope you enjoy watching it!
Some days I still really can't believe I did that...I shaved my head...am I absolutely nuts!? probably! But let me tell you, it has been completely worth it, A. my morning routine is seriously cut in half B. I can go swim laps without a swimcap C. my hair never gets in my face/I never have a bad hair day (or every day is a bad hair day depending on how you look at it) D. if it was summer I'd be really comfortable. But honestly the most gratifying moment came when we went out to a local bar with friends to listen to some live music. Firstly at the door the guy checking ID's did a couple double takes looking at my license and up to my head (which was covered with a scarf my grandma gave me) and he looked at me kinda sadly and asked if I'd just finished treatment. I politely said no, that I had done it for an event. He looked happier and thanked me for doing it. If that wasn't touching enough later a lady in maybe her 40's came up and asked the same thing, again I said no that I had done it for a fundraiser, she touched my arm and with tears in her eyes thanked me, and then proceeded to tell me that her hair was just starting to grow back after her battle with breast cancer. I was so honored that she would come and tell me, it was pretty awesome.
Another awesome thing, that it literally brought tears to my eyes, was on Facebook a couple days after I posted the video. I was lucky enough to go to by far the coolest camp ever when I was in middle school and high school. Well I am now Facebook friends with a number of fellow campers, and two of the coolest counselors ever! Anyways after watching my video my awesome former counselor posted this on Facebook.

 You know those facebook reposts that go "If you have a sister who'd do anything for you, etc." or "If you have a friend who has been there through thick and thin, etc." then repost?

Well, I'm starting a new one...If you have a church camp camper who has done things that amaze you and make you proud, someone who has become so strong and giving that they are now someone YOU look up to, tell them how proud of them you are and tell the world what they are fighting for. I have many of those former camper, and here's the latest. Nicole Brooks , you rock!

I was reading this on my Blackberry at our Membership Retreat for work, and I read through most of it and was like aw that's cool, when I got to the part with my name (and the link to my video) I actually teared up! When you're young and you see these people as just the ultimate in cool and grown up, then you grow up and she says something like that, it really makes you think you did something right! Thanks!!!

Love you all,
Nicole

PS- send your kids to camp so they can have that same experience! :-D