The End

With us moving back to Michigan from Arkansas we've had to make a lot of decisions about our life from this point forward....do we start right back up with fertility treatments, which would mean looking at the next level of treatments since my body was not responding to this level....do we go back to adoption through Bethany Christian Services....do we just stop all of it....
My heart had been in turmoil about all of it...I've never felt really comfortable with the fertility treatments but if they worked in my mind it was worth it....but they aren't working and I definitely do not want to go to the next step....Adoption is important to me and I really want to grow my family in that way, but is not the right time? Are we at the right place in our lives...before we moved to Arkansas I would have said wholeheartedly yes....but I couldn't be so sure now....Add to that the stress of moving, starting a new job, life, and everything else that is going on it's been a bit of a crazy couple weeks for me particularly....So yesterday I took some time to meet with our pastor, who also happens to be a friend of ours, and we talked and prayed and I really came out with a sense of clarity and calmness that I have not felt in a long while....So I then took some more time, went to the beach...felt the sand between my toes, listened to the waves that were so loud I couldn't hear anything else and really searched my heart....So now I am here to tell you that Mark and I are giving up control over fertility...if God grants us a child through pregnancy.....we'll praise him...if God doesn't grant us a child....we'll praise him. No matter what happens from this point forward we're letting go. I'm going to work with my doctor to figure out a plan to get my body back to normal, most likely through the use of the pill, and we're going to take time to focus on our marriage and being the best aunt and uncle ever. To all of you who have been through this journey with us, thank you...your kindness and prayers and love are so appreciated, and I hope you'll continue to pray for us as we grieve...While I feel at peace with this decision in a way I haven't felt in a long time, the grief is still there, and I don't think that will go away anytime soon. Of course I'll continue to update you all on our lives, my new job, our new adventure in Alpena, but for now this is the end of our journey with fertility......

Love you all,
Nicole