With us moving back to Michigan from Arkansas we've had to make a lot of decisions about our life from this point forward....do we start right back up with fertility treatments, which would mean looking at the next level of treatments since my body was not responding to this level....do we go back to adoption through Bethany Christian Services....do we just stop all of it....
My heart had been in turmoil about all of it...I've never felt really comfortable with the fertility treatments but if they worked in my mind it was worth it....but they aren't working and I definitely do not want to go to the next step....Adoption is important to me and I really want to grow my family in that way, but is not the right time? Are we at the right place in our lives...before we moved to Arkansas I would have said wholeheartedly yes....but I couldn't be so sure now....Add to that the stress of moving, starting a new job, life, and everything else that is going on it's been a bit of a crazy couple weeks for me particularly....So yesterday I took some time to meet with our pastor, who also happens to be a friend of ours, and we talked and prayed and I really came out with a sense of clarity and calmness that I have not felt in a long while....So I then took some more time, went to the beach...felt the sand between my toes, listened to the waves that were so loud I couldn't hear anything else and really searched my heart....So now I am here to tell you that Mark and I are giving up control over fertility...if God grants us a child through pregnancy.....we'll praise him...if God doesn't grant us a child....we'll praise him. No matter what happens from this point forward we're letting go. I'm going to work with my doctor to figure out a plan to get my body back to normal, most likely through the use of the pill, and we're going to take time to focus on our marriage and being the best aunt and uncle ever. To all of you who have been through this journey with us, thank you...your kindness and prayers and love are so appreciated, and I hope you'll continue to pray for us as we grieve...While I feel at peace with this decision in a way I haven't felt in a long time, the grief is still there, and I don't think that will go away anytime soon. Of course I'll continue to update you all on our lives, my new job, our new adventure in Alpena, but for now this is the end of our journey with fertility......
Love you all,
Nicole
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Alpena
So, my mom and I went up to Alpena yesterday and spent the night and spent all day today looking around the town and looking at a couple of rentals....The town made good impressions, its right on Lake Huron and is quite pretty, there is also a very nice downtown which is important to me and there are plenty of big box stores so really there isn't anything we would need elsewhere. As for the rentals, the first one we looked at was one that I found on Craiglists last night about two minutes after it was posted. We talked to the owner and he suggested we drive out and see it first and then let him know if we wanted it...so we did, it was small and we weren't totally impressed but decided we might as well see it. So today it was the first one we saw, and it actually ended up being the one we went with because the inside really made up for the lackluster exterior. It's two bedrooms one bath all new flooring, new bathroom, washer and dryer, will be a new fridge and a nice stove when he gets them put in. It has a one car garage which I will be loving in the winter and the landlord was really willing to be flexible on the lease terms and allowing our puppy! So it was a win-win situation and I'm looking forward to getting all of our stuff up there and getting settled.
From the other rentals we saw, one scared the heck out of us (smelled like cat pee and the landlady was not someone you'd want to meet in a dark alley!) and the other one was really neat. I loved the architecture of it (super high ceilings and neat details) but it was more of a house I'd want to buy and put time and money into rather than live there...it was a half a house so we would have people above us and there was no garage or washer and dryer. So we ended up with the first rental and I'm happy with it.
I'll be working in Traverse City on Monday and then spending the rest of the week working from my mom's house doing research on my communities and learning all of the policies for my new council! Then Friday I'll be flying out to Arkansas and picking up the rental truck and starting to get it filled, finishing that on Saturday, going to my friends wedding and spending some quality time with my friends before leaving bright and early Sunday morning! Gonna be a long trip, it took me about 13 hours when I did it, stopping only occasionally for gas/a walk break, but it's going to be quite a bit longer this time because of the rental truck and having to stop and give Guinness plenty of opportunities to run around and such....ugh two cross country trips in as many weeks...and then add on the 4+ hour trip to Alpena. But we won't be doing that until Monday...we'll spend the night Sunday at my parents house, pick up my car and then do that trek....
That's all for updates for now... :-)
From the other rentals we saw, one scared the heck out of us (smelled like cat pee and the landlady was not someone you'd want to meet in a dark alley!) and the other one was really neat. I loved the architecture of it (super high ceilings and neat details) but it was more of a house I'd want to buy and put time and money into rather than live there...it was a half a house so we would have people above us and there was no garage or washer and dryer. So we ended up with the first rental and I'm happy with it.
I'll be working in Traverse City on Monday and then spending the rest of the week working from my mom's house doing research on my communities and learning all of the policies for my new council! Then Friday I'll be flying out to Arkansas and picking up the rental truck and starting to get it filled, finishing that on Saturday, going to my friends wedding and spending some quality time with my friends before leaving bright and early Sunday morning! Gonna be a long trip, it took me about 13 hours when I did it, stopping only occasionally for gas/a walk break, but it's going to be quite a bit longer this time because of the rental truck and having to stop and give Guinness plenty of opportunities to run around and such....ugh two cross country trips in as many weeks...and then add on the 4+ hour trip to Alpena. But we won't be doing that until Monday...we'll spend the night Sunday at my parents house, pick up my car and then do that trek....
That's all for updates for now... :-)
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Another First Day
So tomorrow is my first day at my new job as a Membership and Community Development Manager for the Girl Scouts Michigan Shore to Shore!!! YIKES I know I know you guys probably have whiplash from our multiple cross-country moves in less than a year, but honestly it was worth it! In Arkansas I got the experience my resume had been lacking, a chance to live in a whole other state *which felt like a whole other country* meet some amazing people, and learn alot about myself.....Now in Michigan I will get the chance to continue doing the work that I love doing, be closer to family and get the added opportunity/challenge of working from home. So we're both really excited, we'll actually be splitting the distance between our UP families and our Zeeland/Holland families. Which is very exciting because that means we'll be a lot closer to my God Daughter!!! YAY!!
But while neither of us really cared for Fayetteville itself I am super sad to be leaving our friends that we made there. Mark always has a really easy time making friends, me not so much. I make a lot of acquaintances, but count very few people as true friends...In AR I actually made some true friends that are amazing people, and I'm very sad to leave them! I just hope that my first day at GSMISTS goes as well as my first day with the Diamonds council, though I am positive there are no co-workers as awesome as the two who started with me at Diamonds hopefully I'll get lucky twice! There is another girl starting the same day as me so at least I wont be the only new kid on the block! Sad thing about working out-based though is I won't get to interact with my co-workers as much so I'll have to find other ways to make friends...blah....oh well I have a very awesome week filled with training and meeting and touring and I get to stay with my mom all week so yay! We're going up next weekend to look at rentals and even one house that I really like, so not sure how that is going to work, I might end up working next week at my parents house so that I'll have access to the net, but that is to be determined. I go back to Arkansas on the 20th for two things...1 a wedding for a very awesome couple and 2. to get my stuff, my dog, and my hubby and drive the 13 hours trip AGAIN....sigh....luckily with so many people moving OUT of Michigan we were able to get a REALLY good deal on the moving truck coming IN to Michigan. Literally we're spending half as much on the truck, plus adding a tow option for our other vehicle! YAY, add to that the fact I'm staying with my parents this transition instead of a hotel, and that the cost of living in Alpena is much cheaper we are seriously coming ahead on this move! Oh yeah and I got a raise! WOOHOO to not being as poor!
In other news on Friday I had my last baby day appointment, and it went pretty much as expected...my body sucks....there was some follicle development but it was smaller than the last time so they really weren't expected to go anywhere :-( even though I had prepared for that answer, it still sucked...the doctor was ready to start talking other options, inject-able hormones, steroids, in-vetro. But because of the move I politely declined and got my records so we can make a decision later...I think that what we're going to do is let my body go back to normal...do oral birth control and even out my hormones so that I can stop breaking out like a 12 year old, get back to my normal weight and just be happy in my body again! and hopefully that will help kickstart my ovaries...not likely but at least I won't feel like a pimply beached whale! And we're back in the area of Bethany Christian Services so that option might be re-visited...I definitely know that we'll be giving it a little time, I need to get my head screwed back on straight. It's hard to make decisions about things when you're a hormone mood swingy mess. I have no idea any more what thoughts/ideas/etc are my own and what are caused by the medications...it's not a nice feeling to have a head like that...I'll get to concentrate on my new position, on finding a house, on spoiling my nieces and nephews and being the best God Mother ever.... sorry it's been such a long time since and update, but like I said when you're brain feels out of control it's not a nice feeling and I didn't feel like sharing not nice feelings, so thus the silence....Today was pretty rough for me, being Mother's Day and all, it was nice though because I got to spend the day with my Mom and we kept busy which helped. But that sinking/sucking feeling in my chest was there all day, just like it is every day but especially today with so much focus on moms was hard.....but one month til that other holiday dedicated to pointing out the fact that my body is a biological failure...yay....ok see enough of this, told you my head isn't pretty right now....I love you all, Happy Mother's Day to all of the mothers out there and to all of those others who are dealing with the evil 'I' word I understand, and I share your pain....there's always next year.....
But while neither of us really cared for Fayetteville itself I am super sad to be leaving our friends that we made there. Mark always has a really easy time making friends, me not so much. I make a lot of acquaintances, but count very few people as true friends...In AR I actually made some true friends that are amazing people, and I'm very sad to leave them! I just hope that my first day at GSMISTS goes as well as my first day with the Diamonds council, though I am positive there are no co-workers as awesome as the two who started with me at Diamonds hopefully I'll get lucky twice! There is another girl starting the same day as me so at least I wont be the only new kid on the block! Sad thing about working out-based though is I won't get to interact with my co-workers as much so I'll have to find other ways to make friends...blah....oh well I have a very awesome week filled with training and meeting and touring and I get to stay with my mom all week so yay! We're going up next weekend to look at rentals and even one house that I really like, so not sure how that is going to work, I might end up working next week at my parents house so that I'll have access to the net, but that is to be determined. I go back to Arkansas on the 20th for two things...1 a wedding for a very awesome couple and 2. to get my stuff, my dog, and my hubby and drive the 13 hours trip AGAIN....sigh....luckily with so many people moving OUT of Michigan we were able to get a REALLY good deal on the moving truck coming IN to Michigan. Literally we're spending half as much on the truck, plus adding a tow option for our other vehicle! YAY, add to that the fact I'm staying with my parents this transition instead of a hotel, and that the cost of living in Alpena is much cheaper we are seriously coming ahead on this move! Oh yeah and I got a raise! WOOHOO to not being as poor!
In other news on Friday I had my last baby day appointment, and it went pretty much as expected...my body sucks....there was some follicle development but it was smaller than the last time so they really weren't expected to go anywhere :-( even though I had prepared for that answer, it still sucked...the doctor was ready to start talking other options, inject-able hormones, steroids, in-vetro. But because of the move I politely declined and got my records so we can make a decision later...I think that what we're going to do is let my body go back to normal...do oral birth control and even out my hormones so that I can stop breaking out like a 12 year old, get back to my normal weight and just be happy in my body again! and hopefully that will help kickstart my ovaries...not likely but at least I won't feel like a pimply beached whale! And we're back in the area of Bethany Christian Services so that option might be re-visited...I definitely know that we'll be giving it a little time, I need to get my head screwed back on straight. It's hard to make decisions about things when you're a hormone mood swingy mess. I have no idea any more what thoughts/ideas/etc are my own and what are caused by the medications...it's not a nice feeling to have a head like that...I'll get to concentrate on my new position, on finding a house, on spoiling my nieces and nephews and being the best God Mother ever.... sorry it's been such a long time since and update, but like I said when you're brain feels out of control it's not a nice feeling and I didn't feel like sharing not nice feelings, so thus the silence....Today was pretty rough for me, being Mother's Day and all, it was nice though because I got to spend the day with my Mom and we kept busy which helped. But that sinking/sucking feeling in my chest was there all day, just like it is every day but especially today with so much focus on moms was hard.....but one month til that other holiday dedicated to pointing out the fact that my body is a biological failure...yay....ok see enough of this, told you my head isn't pretty right now....I love you all, Happy Mother's Day to all of the mothers out there and to all of those others who are dealing with the evil 'I' word I understand, and I share your pain....there's always next year.....
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Sigh
So we had our 3rd Baby Day appointment today....things did not really go so well....On Monday I went in for Baby Day number 2 and the doctor said she thought things looked like they were going to better than usual, but they weren't there yet...so we made another appointment for today...Wow did that not go well! The doctor was not impressed with my ovaries and that while 75% of PCOS patients can successfully ovulate and get pregnant using hormones and clomid...than he got a bit quiet and looked at me and said basically that it is looking like I am in the Other 25%...that we'd do another month with clomid at a higher dosage and than we'd look at different measures...so that's the medical update.
I'm taking it better than the last appointment, or maybe I'm becoming more resigned...not sure yet. I do know though that Mark and I are extremely blessed! We have some amazing friends and family, for example when I got back to work today my co-workers were absolutely amazing, encouraging me and having faith that Mark and I would be parents. The incredible feedback we've gotten from people has almost (note almost) made this process worth it. I can't tell you how much it helps us to know there are so many people praying and thinking about us, or that people trust that we would be good parents and that we shouldn't give up hope. So thank you from the bottom of our hearts, I truly hope that if any of you ever needs to go through this you can see how truly blessed you are with such great family and friends.
I'm taking it better than the last appointment, or maybe I'm becoming more resigned...not sure yet. I do know though that Mark and I are extremely blessed! We have some amazing friends and family, for example when I got back to work today my co-workers were absolutely amazing, encouraging me and having faith that Mark and I would be parents. The incredible feedback we've gotten from people has almost (note almost) made this process worth it. I can't tell you how much it helps us to know there are so many people praying and thinking about us, or that people trust that we would be good parents and that we shouldn't give up hope. So thank you from the bottom of our hearts, I truly hope that if any of you ever needs to go through this you can see how truly blessed you are with such great family and friends.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Just Call Me Godmother :-D
I'm am super honored and privileged to announce that I was asked to be the Godmother for my cousin and his fiance's daughter!! YAY me! I never thought I'd get to be a Godmother! In my family Godparents are a big deal, mostly because they spoil the heck out of you, and it always works that the father chooses the Godfather and the mom chooses the Godmother. Typically it ends up being out of their respective families, and given the fact that my sister has already made it known she doesn't plan to have kids I figured I was pretty much out of the running! So imagine my surprise and utter delight when I had a call from the happy parents to be!? Honestly I started to cry like a baby!! It was truly the nicest thing anyone has ever asked me before (and I can say that because Mark says I technically asked him to marry me so he never asked me to be his wife)! So I was completely taken by surprise and was very happy to accept (who wouldn't?) and am looking forward with even more anticipation to meeting Audrina Jo!
According to the encyclopedia a Godmother is: one who stands surety for another in the rite of Christian baptism. In the modern baptism of an infant or child the godparent or godparents make profession of faith for the person being baptized (the godchild) and assume an obligation to serve as proxies for the parents if the parents either are unable or neglect to provide for the religious training of the child, in fulfillment of baptismal promises. In churches mandating a sponsor only one godparent is required; two (in most churches, of different sex) are permitted. Many Protestant denominations permit but do not require godparents to join the infant's natural parents as sponsors. In the Roman Catholic Church godparents must be of the Catholic faith.
Other than the Catholic part I so have that covered! But in my family being a Godparent means so much more than that and so I promise here and now to make a few more promises to my Goddaughter.....So...
Dear Audrina Jo,
I so can not wait to meet you! You are such a blessing already to your parents, to me, to this world and I know you will be just an amazing little girl. Even though I will be far away there are a few promises I would like to make to you, firstly I promise to always spell your name correctly, and I promise to someday tell you lots of stories about the woman who shared your middle name. I promise to remember every gift giving holiday with an abundance of love, I promise to be a sympathetic ear when you feel like your parents don't understand, I promise to make you laugh with stories of your father and while I don't have a lot of stories with your mom I promise to build up some good ones! I promise to have your best interests at heart and to answer any questions you may have about life truthfully. I promise to be there for you no matter how many miles separate us. But mostly I promise to love you to the best of my abilities for as long as I live!
Love,
Your very happy Godmother!
According to the encyclopedia a Godmother is: one who stands surety for another in the rite of Christian baptism. In the modern baptism of an infant or child the godparent or godparents make profession of faith for the person being baptized (the godchild) and assume an obligation to serve as proxies for the parents if the parents either are unable or neglect to provide for the religious training of the child, in fulfillment of baptismal promises. In churches mandating a sponsor only one godparent is required; two (in most churches, of different sex) are permitted. Many Protestant denominations permit but do not require godparents to join the infant's natural parents as sponsors. In the Roman Catholic Church godparents must be of the Catholic faith.
Other than the Catholic part I so have that covered! But in my family being a Godparent means so much more than that and so I promise here and now to make a few more promises to my Goddaughter.....So...
Dear Audrina Jo,
I so can not wait to meet you! You are such a blessing already to your parents, to me, to this world and I know you will be just an amazing little girl. Even though I will be far away there are a few promises I would like to make to you, firstly I promise to always spell your name correctly, and I promise to someday tell you lots of stories about the woman who shared your middle name. I promise to remember every gift giving holiday with an abundance of love, I promise to be a sympathetic ear when you feel like your parents don't understand, I promise to make you laugh with stories of your father and while I don't have a lot of stories with your mom I promise to build up some good ones! I promise to have your best interests at heart and to answer any questions you may have about life truthfully. I promise to be there for you no matter how many miles separate us. But mostly I promise to love you to the best of my abilities for as long as I live!
Love,
Your very happy Godmother!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
6 Months
So you may be wondering how things went for us last month....well they pretty much sucked. I had my appointment on the 31st and was expecting to go in there, get a shot, get sent home and make a baby...Well that didn't even come close to happening. Firstly, I got there and was pulled into a separate room to talk about the fact that my insurance sucks! Yep while they'd said that they would cover fertility treatments, what they really meant was they would cover In-Vitro. Not anything else after the diagnosis of infertility. I'm not exactly sure what world that makes sense in but that is the world of insurance I suppose. So we were given a schedule of costs which breaks down to about 300-350 every visit. Yikes!
So I signed the schedule said if we agreed to continue I understood that my insurance didn't cover anything, and from there I went to my actual appointment.
My regular doctor was out so I had to meet with a different doctor, which really isn't a big deal but I like my doctor. Anyways she did an ultrasound and that's where everything really went downhill. As you all may remember I took 10 days worth of oral hormones, induced a period, did 5 days of clomid which was supposed to induce ovulation. Well apparently that didn't happen. UGH so we did blood work and now I'm back on metformin, then doing round 2 of hormones and clomid at a higher dosage.
With clomid you only can do 6 rounds before it starts to do more harm than good in terms of fertility....So thus the title of this post. 6 month....though technically we're in month 2 so we only have 5 more months. But after coming home from my appointment and crying on my wonderful husbands shoulder we came to a decision. After our 6 months if we're not pregnant than we're done...I go back on birth control and get my body back under control and we focus solely on adoption if we still feel sane.
We're trying to feel good about everything, but I'm not doing such a good job..I knew that there was still a possibility of things not working even with the fertility treatments. I didn't really anticipate the whole insurance fiasco, but I knew things might not work, that doesn't really lessen the disappointment. I'd had such a good feeling that things might work, and the disappointment was rough...
So I signed the schedule said if we agreed to continue I understood that my insurance didn't cover anything, and from there I went to my actual appointment.
My regular doctor was out so I had to meet with a different doctor, which really isn't a big deal but I like my doctor. Anyways she did an ultrasound and that's where everything really went downhill. As you all may remember I took 10 days worth of oral hormones, induced a period, did 5 days of clomid which was supposed to induce ovulation. Well apparently that didn't happen. UGH so we did blood work and now I'm back on metformin, then doing round 2 of hormones and clomid at a higher dosage.
With clomid you only can do 6 rounds before it starts to do more harm than good in terms of fertility....So thus the title of this post. 6 month....though technically we're in month 2 so we only have 5 more months. But after coming home from my appointment and crying on my wonderful husbands shoulder we came to a decision. After our 6 months if we're not pregnant than we're done...I go back on birth control and get my body back under control and we focus solely on adoption if we still feel sane.
We're trying to feel good about everything, but I'm not doing such a good job..I knew that there was still a possibility of things not working even with the fertility treatments. I didn't really anticipate the whole insurance fiasco, but I knew things might not work, that doesn't really lessen the disappointment. I'd had such a good feeling that things might work, and the disappointment was rough...
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Feelin good about life!
So much has been going on with us recently that it is about time I update everyone! Right now Mark and I are in the middle of our first cycle of fertility treatments! AH scary! Honestly the whole idea of having to go to a doctor, plan everything to the day, and all the junk that goes with fertility specialists truly freaked me out! But now that we're in the middle of it I'm super excited and confident! Ok so to the beginning. In December I finally had all my health insurance junk in order (oiy pain in the butt) and finally had a check-up/yearly appointment with my new Primary Care Physician who I really liked. She couldn't believe my records, and immediately made a recommendation for an OB/GYN who can get us pregnant and stay with us through the whole pregnancy, bring in Dr Hinton! She's amazing! Smart, dry humor, up front, and was ready to get started immediately! I went in on a Wednesday, was back Friday for an ultra-sound and went over the results right there with her! She put me on oral hormones and that was 10 days ago! Yesterday was my last day of that. So sometime in the next couple days I should have a period, on day 3 blood-work, get put on Clomid, day 21 more blood-work and then I guess I get told to go home and have sex (yes that was Mark's fav part LOL) and if all goes according to plan we should be pregnant by our 3rd wedding anniversary! YAY!!! Of course if things don't go according to plan we'll do a couple more cycles *typically you do up to 6 before other options are explored* and Mark will start taking tests to make sure he is not the problem!
YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY
IN other news we are not giving up on adoption, but we're pretty sure we're giving up on the State of Arkansas adoption! We miss our Bethany Christian Services case worker and the fact that we got no personal connection at the state agency! Which is very important to us. So we're back to BCS we've filled out our initial paperwork which is nice because it was all online here, and have our introduction meeting on Friday. So we're moving full steam ahead on both avenues and God willing we'll be parents soon! We love being Aunt Nicole and Uncle Mark but can't wait to be Mom and Dad!
YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY
IN other news we are not giving up on adoption, but we're pretty sure we're giving up on the State of Arkansas adoption! We miss our Bethany Christian Services case worker and the fact that we got no personal connection at the state agency! Which is very important to us. So we're back to BCS we've filled out our initial paperwork which is nice because it was all online here, and have our introduction meeting on Friday. So we're moving full steam ahead on both avenues and God willing we'll be parents soon! We love being Aunt Nicole and Uncle Mark but can't wait to be Mom and Dad!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
A New Addition
Yep, that's right, our family has grown....Nope not in the way you're thinking, not yet at least....We got a dog!! We'd been talking about it for a while and had done some preliminary looking, but hadn't made any firm decisions...until New Year's! Friends of ours had rescued a puppy from some not very nice people. But my friend that I work with just DOES NOT like puppies (who does that! Oh well her loss our gain) so they were looking for a new home. We looked and the picture and fell in love! So on Sunday we went over to their house after church and met the pup. He is a boxer-lab mix, very friendly and smart. He's still a puppy so he has a lot of energy and he is going to be pretty big, but he LOVES sleeping on Mark's lap and we're on day 2 and it's going good so far...
When he is old enough we'll be taking him to puppy obedience classes and we're getting recommendations on vets in the area since we aren't lucky enough to have Dr VanDenBrink! So here are a few pictures of my boys!
When he is old enough we'll be taking him to puppy obedience classes and we're getting recommendations on vets in the area since we aren't lucky enough to have Dr VanDenBrink! So here are a few pictures of my boys!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Ah, New Year's
So I don't know if you guys know the story of how me and Mark met...Well officially we met in the 6th grade when Mark was living in Manistique, my best friend at the time had a last name that started with a C and of course that is right next to B, so I spent a lot of time hanging out in front of their lockers (particularly when I realized that my best friend was right next to the cutie from my science/math/english classes :-D) but I actually prefer the story of how we re-met, mostly because of the other characters!
When I was going into 9th grade I had the awesome opportunity to go on a mission trip out to 4 corners (where Utah, Colorado, Arizona and New Mexico touch). It was a great trip particularly because I met a really awesome person! Her name was Tiffany and she went to school in Newberry. Now after Mark moved at the end of our 6th grade year I always wondered about him, and had heard that he'd moved to Newberry but this was in the age before Facebook or really the idea of social networks, so we really had no way of staying in contact (and he'd left me for another girl so I was pretty mad at him by the end of the school year hehe j/k love! (but really he did leave me for another girl!!)). Since our trip left in June it was not long after school had gotten out and someone from the trip had brought their yearbook...
Well I am not really what you would call a very social or outgoing person, I especially have a hard time in crowds where everyone else already knows each other...this was the case with this trip. a majority of the crowd already knew each other, but Tiffany being the wonderful person that she was found ways to make me feel included. This is how I got in the middle of looking at a yearbook from a school I never attended.....Well there he was, still cute as ever, and I was pretty stunned to say that I actually knew someone in the yearbook! Lo' and behold that someone was Mark and he was good friends with Tiffany!! Fate I know! So that night as we all got into our sleeping bags Tiffany suggested I write Mark and note and that she'd deliver it!
So there it was, I threw out my end of the deal and figured I'd leave it up to fate to decide whether anything would come of it. Well it did, God was very much behind everything that happened! Tiffany did something few people that age do, she followed through, she gave Mark the note! And next thing I knew at the end of the summer I had an email from him. We started conversing and at the first chance I got I went to Newberry (for a reunion trip for our mission trip group) and it is a trip I will never forget. My mom and grandma dropped me off at the church and as we were unloading my stuff my grandma looked up and said 'who is that cute boy?'......bet you'll never guess who it was :-) yep it was Mark, just as shy and nervous as I was! After dinner Tiffany and I took off to the local football game where we met up with Mark and Tiffany's crush Steve. I don't think either Mark or myself really had any idea what we were getting ourselves into, but that was the beginning of US. We talked for the whole game, and then the emailing and chatting continued, every sports game where our teams played each other I was at, phone calls, more emailing and chatting, more trips to see each other, school dances, and lots of memories...
That brings us to New Years. What a bittersweet time for the two of us. Honestly most years we'd be happy to curl up, go to bed early, and completely forget the day. But we also can never forget it because of the good memories...Here is what happened. There was a lock-in (an overnight event where you get 'locked in' and can't leave the specified place until a certain time in the morning) was happening in my community, I invited Mark and Tiffany to come. Mark was able to, Tiffany already had plans. So Mark showed up that night and I think we were both a bundle of nerves because during one of our many conversations we had agreed that we would ring in 2002 with a kiss (our first). Now I was definitely not as experienced with kissing as Mark so I was even more nervous than him! So we spent a night of staying up all night talking, laughing, hanging out with friends and naturally kissing as midnight struck. It was a night dreams are made of! Seriously I've never had a better first kiss than that and I still love kissing him now as much as I did then! Now you may be wondering where the bad comes in, while that's the next day. On the very first day of 2002 our lives were shattered. Tiffany was killed....now this was not in some tragic accident, or disease, or some other understandable (while still horrible) way...no she was torn from our lives in a horrific act of violence that even now I can barely understand. Someone so young, so beautiful, so kind and friendly and wonderful was taken way to early from this life, and I miss her still. But I had no idea what happened until a few days later...so while I was still riding high on my wonderful night with the man of my dreams, my friend, the reason I even knew Mark again was gone.....So you can see why we don't particularly like New Years. This year is the 9 year anniversary of her death, and it still hurts. When you're 14 you really aren't equipped to deal with tragedy in that way, to compound it almost exactly 6 months later my grandma passed away unexpectedly...Let's just say 2002 was not a really good year for me...But I got Mark, and together we have dealt with a lot in the almost 10 years we've been friends (I start counting in August 2001 when we were officially re-introduced) in those 10 years we've dealt with horrible tragedy, moves, various boyfriends and girlfriends, college, high school, graduation, milestone after milestone that brought us closer together. To this day I don't think anyone knows me better than Mark. He's been there through the worse times of my life, and the best. And somehow as we both grew, changed, matured, struggled, and rejoiced we were there for each other....That's pretty rare....a lot of marriages don't last as long as we've been friends.
So while yes, I knew when I was 11/12 years old that I would marry him someday, it wasn't until I was many years older that I realized how much God was behind every decision that brought us together......
Now that we're older, now that we've experienced the many things that have happened in life (proms/graduations/dating/college/moving/apartments/marriage) it becomes harder every year to deal with the harsh anniversary that January 1st represents for us...For some many January 1st is a day to start over, a new beginning, a time for joy, for resolutions, and for happiness. But for us, I don't think there will ever be a January 1st that isn't just a little bitter. Because the reason we re-met, the wonderful friend, sister, daughter, person who was Tiffany is no longer with us...she is forever stuck in our minds as she was in 2001......So here is to 2011, a year hopefully filled with many blessings, lots of laughter, hopefully a baby and the beginning of a successful college career, and many friends and good food and happy memories....here is to getting the chance to spend another year living life to the fullest to honor the memory of one of the best people I ever met.....
Thank you Tiff, I honestly owe you my whole world, I hope we can make you proud
Love,
Nicole and Mark
When I was going into 9th grade I had the awesome opportunity to go on a mission trip out to 4 corners (where Utah, Colorado, Arizona and New Mexico touch). It was a great trip particularly because I met a really awesome person! Her name was Tiffany and she went to school in Newberry. Now after Mark moved at the end of our 6th grade year I always wondered about him, and had heard that he'd moved to Newberry but this was in the age before Facebook or really the idea of social networks, so we really had no way of staying in contact (and he'd left me for another girl so I was pretty mad at him by the end of the school year hehe j/k love! (but really he did leave me for another girl!!)). Since our trip left in June it was not long after school had gotten out and someone from the trip had brought their yearbook...
Well I am not really what you would call a very social or outgoing person, I especially have a hard time in crowds where everyone else already knows each other...this was the case with this trip. a majority of the crowd already knew each other, but Tiffany being the wonderful person that she was found ways to make me feel included. This is how I got in the middle of looking at a yearbook from a school I never attended.....Well there he was, still cute as ever, and I was pretty stunned to say that I actually knew someone in the yearbook! Lo' and behold that someone was Mark and he was good friends with Tiffany!! Fate I know! So that night as we all got into our sleeping bags Tiffany suggested I write Mark and note and that she'd deliver it!
So there it was, I threw out my end of the deal and figured I'd leave it up to fate to decide whether anything would come of it. Well it did, God was very much behind everything that happened! Tiffany did something few people that age do, she followed through, she gave Mark the note! And next thing I knew at the end of the summer I had an email from him. We started conversing and at the first chance I got I went to Newberry (for a reunion trip for our mission trip group) and it is a trip I will never forget. My mom and grandma dropped me off at the church and as we were unloading my stuff my grandma looked up and said 'who is that cute boy?'......bet you'll never guess who it was :-) yep it was Mark, just as shy and nervous as I was! After dinner Tiffany and I took off to the local football game where we met up with Mark and Tiffany's crush Steve. I don't think either Mark or myself really had any idea what we were getting ourselves into, but that was the beginning of US. We talked for the whole game, and then the emailing and chatting continued, every sports game where our teams played each other I was at, phone calls, more emailing and chatting, more trips to see each other, school dances, and lots of memories...
That brings us to New Years. What a bittersweet time for the two of us. Honestly most years we'd be happy to curl up, go to bed early, and completely forget the day. But we also can never forget it because of the good memories...Here is what happened. There was a lock-in (an overnight event where you get 'locked in' and can't leave the specified place until a certain time in the morning) was happening in my community, I invited Mark and Tiffany to come. Mark was able to, Tiffany already had plans. So Mark showed up that night and I think we were both a bundle of nerves because during one of our many conversations we had agreed that we would ring in 2002 with a kiss (our first). Now I was definitely not as experienced with kissing as Mark so I was even more nervous than him! So we spent a night of staying up all night talking, laughing, hanging out with friends and naturally kissing as midnight struck. It was a night dreams are made of! Seriously I've never had a better first kiss than that and I still love kissing him now as much as I did then! Now you may be wondering where the bad comes in, while that's the next day. On the very first day of 2002 our lives were shattered. Tiffany was killed....now this was not in some tragic accident, or disease, or some other understandable (while still horrible) way...no she was torn from our lives in a horrific act of violence that even now I can barely understand. Someone so young, so beautiful, so kind and friendly and wonderful was taken way to early from this life, and I miss her still. But I had no idea what happened until a few days later...so while I was still riding high on my wonderful night with the man of my dreams, my friend, the reason I even knew Mark again was gone.....So you can see why we don't particularly like New Years. This year is the 9 year anniversary of her death, and it still hurts. When you're 14 you really aren't equipped to deal with tragedy in that way, to compound it almost exactly 6 months later my grandma passed away unexpectedly...Let's just say 2002 was not a really good year for me...But I got Mark, and together we have dealt with a lot in the almost 10 years we've been friends (I start counting in August 2001 when we were officially re-introduced) in those 10 years we've dealt with horrible tragedy, moves, various boyfriends and girlfriends, college, high school, graduation, milestone after milestone that brought us closer together. To this day I don't think anyone knows me better than Mark. He's been there through the worse times of my life, and the best. And somehow as we both grew, changed, matured, struggled, and rejoiced we were there for each other....That's pretty rare....a lot of marriages don't last as long as we've been friends.
So while yes, I knew when I was 11/12 years old that I would marry him someday, it wasn't until I was many years older that I realized how much God was behind every decision that brought us together......
Now that we're older, now that we've experienced the many things that have happened in life (proms/graduations/dating/college/moving/apartments/marriage) it becomes harder every year to deal with the harsh anniversary that January 1st represents for us...For some many January 1st is a day to start over, a new beginning, a time for joy, for resolutions, and for happiness. But for us, I don't think there will ever be a January 1st that isn't just a little bitter. Because the reason we re-met, the wonderful friend, sister, daughter, person who was Tiffany is no longer with us...she is forever stuck in our minds as she was in 2001......So here is to 2011, a year hopefully filled with many blessings, lots of laughter, hopefully a baby and the beginning of a successful college career, and many friends and good food and happy memories....here is to getting the chance to spend another year living life to the fullest to honor the memory of one of the best people I ever met.....
Thank you Tiff, I honestly owe you my whole world, I hope we can make you proud
Love,
Nicole and Mark
Monday, December 27, 2010
Merry Christmas
I hope everyone had a really nice Christmas! We did our best to keep up traditions (and make some new ones) down here as well! Work was really boring last week, because we were so slow! So me and the two other MMS's helped our shop person re-arrange and restock everything, then it was Tuesday haha j/k that did keep us busy (and warm) for a couple days! By the way, our building is SO weird, upstairs it will be hotter than ever but downstairs we're all bundled up in our coats and scarves and hats (particularly me with the hats) and there seems to be nothing we can do! Luckily when I was cleaning out the closet next to my office I found a space heater!! SCORE! So now we all take turns using it to heat up our offices. The only problem is that is is ancient and super loud so when it is your turn to warm up you can't hear anything going on! So by Thursday we were bouncing off the walls! Particularly because our monthly newsletter had said we'd be closed the 23-3, well we were open on the 23rd but no one made a correction so we only had about 3 people come in all day! It was the slowest day ever! But finally 5:30 rolled around and I got to go home and start getting ready for Christmas Eve!
Now I must explain...In my family Christmas Eve has always been a pretty big day. When we were little we'd go to church and then everyone (on my mom's side of the family) would all meet up at my Grandma's house and have lasagna (no idea how we got started on that as our traditional meal but I won't complain it's the BEST) and open presents and just have fun together as a family. After my Grandma passed away things changed, mostly we started meeting downstate, usually at my mom's or my aunts house. We still got together, still had lasagna, but it wasn't quite the same....last year we had our last big family get together at my cousins house. It was nice to have that time together with everyone particularly because my cousin passed away a month later :-( so that brings us to this year. A year that was going to be tough regardless, but was made even worse because Mark and I couldn't afford to fly home for the holidays. So we were determined to make the best of it!
Since I don't know how to cook for just two people I knew there would be plenty of food so we invited some people to come over. I invited two co-workers and their families, and Mark invited one of his co-workers. Well only one of my co-workers ended up coming, but she brought her husband and daughter. So I spent the day making my very first lasagna! And it was AWESOME! Mark helped me clean the house and childproof our guestroom (their daughter is 3) and we were set. Since we were hosting they invited us to go to church with them, which was a really nice Baptist candlelight service, it reminded me a lot of the services from my childhood. And then we went back to our house!
It was really fun to get to hang out, the girls shared a bottle of wine, the boys a Sam Adam's winter mix and we just sat around our counter (cause we have no table still) and enjoyed good food and good company!
After they went home Mark and I opened presents from my sister and brother-in-law and Mark's mom and he stayed up playing the new game Rachel got him (which thankfully was not the same one I had gotten him!) and I went to bed!! The next morning we got up and opened our presents to each other (first time in 3 years we've been able to open our presents Christmas morning, we always had to do Christmas Eve morning because of all our family commitments) and then lazed around and ate leftovers!! It was a great day! I got SUPER spoiled like usual! I was really nice to Mark this year, I never give him a list, I figure if there is anyone who should know me well enough to know what to get it would be him! But this year I did give him a lot of hints and he caught them all! I got a new picture frame/pencil holder for my desk at work, a new Nancy Drew game (cause I LOVE them), a new shelf for the apartment, an awesome Ipod player that I can hook my Ipod into and it'll play through the speakers and it has a remote! It's awesome! and then the best gift of all, Mark painted me 4 pictures! They were on smaller canvases and each one is a different flower (not his typical art, but cause he loves me he did an amazing job!) the main focus of the picture is the painted flower, and then he used pastels to do the background! I love them so much! He is taking a painting class this semester I can't wait to see what he does after that!
So that was our Christmas, it was nice, relaxing, full of food and presents and friends, and of course love! We're still waiting on another box from my parents (woohoo extended Christmas hehe) and then our Christmas will be done! But for being so far away it wasn't so bad, other than missing everyone so much! Hope everyone else had a great Christmas as well!
Love you all,
Nicole
Now I must explain...In my family Christmas Eve has always been a pretty big day. When we were little we'd go to church and then everyone (on my mom's side of the family) would all meet up at my Grandma's house and have lasagna (no idea how we got started on that as our traditional meal but I won't complain it's the BEST) and open presents and just have fun together as a family. After my Grandma passed away things changed, mostly we started meeting downstate, usually at my mom's or my aunts house. We still got together, still had lasagna, but it wasn't quite the same....last year we had our last big family get together at my cousins house. It was nice to have that time together with everyone particularly because my cousin passed away a month later :-( so that brings us to this year. A year that was going to be tough regardless, but was made even worse because Mark and I couldn't afford to fly home for the holidays. So we were determined to make the best of it!
Since I don't know how to cook for just two people I knew there would be plenty of food so we invited some people to come over. I invited two co-workers and their families, and Mark invited one of his co-workers. Well only one of my co-workers ended up coming, but she brought her husband and daughter. So I spent the day making my very first lasagna! And it was AWESOME! Mark helped me clean the house and childproof our guestroom (their daughter is 3) and we were set. Since we were hosting they invited us to go to church with them, which was a really nice Baptist candlelight service, it reminded me a lot of the services from my childhood. And then we went back to our house!
It was really fun to get to hang out, the girls shared a bottle of wine, the boys a Sam Adam's winter mix and we just sat around our counter (cause we have no table still) and enjoyed good food and good company!
After they went home Mark and I opened presents from my sister and brother-in-law and Mark's mom and he stayed up playing the new game Rachel got him (which thankfully was not the same one I had gotten him!) and I went to bed!! The next morning we got up and opened our presents to each other (first time in 3 years we've been able to open our presents Christmas morning, we always had to do Christmas Eve morning because of all our family commitments) and then lazed around and ate leftovers!! It was a great day! I got SUPER spoiled like usual! I was really nice to Mark this year, I never give him a list, I figure if there is anyone who should know me well enough to know what to get it would be him! But this year I did give him a lot of hints and he caught them all! I got a new picture frame/pencil holder for my desk at work, a new Nancy Drew game (cause I LOVE them), a new shelf for the apartment, an awesome Ipod player that I can hook my Ipod into and it'll play through the speakers and it has a remote! It's awesome! and then the best gift of all, Mark painted me 4 pictures! They were on smaller canvases and each one is a different flower (not his typical art, but cause he loves me he did an amazing job!) the main focus of the picture is the painted flower, and then he used pastels to do the background! I love them so much! He is taking a painting class this semester I can't wait to see what he does after that!So that was our Christmas, it was nice, relaxing, full of food and presents and friends, and of course love! We're still waiting on another box from my parents (woohoo extended Christmas hehe) and then our Christmas will be done! But for being so far away it wasn't so bad, other than missing everyone so much! Hope everyone else had a great Christmas as well!
Love you all,
Nicole
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Making a Choice...
Part of the reason it has been so long since updating the blog is because I've been sorting through a lot of stuff in my mind. 3 things mostly:
1. Body image/ baby stuff
2. Tough time with the move
3. Mental attitude.
So starting with number 1. I've always had a fairly poor body image. See if you can follow this timeline: in high school I thought I was overweight and ugly.
I went to Basic lost 30-40 pounds, was in the best shape of my life, and got a lot of attention (that sadly I just loved)
I came back and gained all that weight back plus about an extra 15 pounds.
Went overseas for the first time lost 20 pounds
Came back, started dating Mark, got married etc, gained back probably 25-30 pounds
Went overseas again lost 15 pounds
Came back gained back 25
are we noticing a pattern here?
Anyways over all since High School (where I thought I was just awful) I've gained about 50 pounds. Now I look back at pictures from then and want to hit myself (don't even look at pictures from after basic because I literally feel sick). I've fluctuated a ton in these different weight, I find I can work out a ton and not lose weight which is very frustrating. So finding a routine of healthy eating (which I pretty much do, its more a matter of going from healthy eating (balanced) to ultra-healthy (no sugar, no unhealthy carbs, no fats, aka never going to happen) eating).
Something that doesn't help the equation is a husband who is 100% supportive. Weird I know, you'd think that's a good thing. Well it is, sorta. The bad thing is that he is 100% supportive of whatever I want, whether that's ice cream for dinner, or working out every day. Other bad thing, is that said supportive husband actually lost weight when he went to college (so much for the freshman 15) and hasn't really fluctuated more than 10 pounds in the 5 years since we graduated. UGH!!! So I need to work not just on motivation because trust me I KNOW I need to lose weight. I KNOW I will feel better if I work out everyday (supposedly) I KNOW our chanced of having a baby will be greater if I lose weight, I KNOW life in general will be better if I lost at least 30 pounds. The problem comes with getting that motivation to actually do something.
So I've bought a gym membership at a great gym that has a ton of cool classes, a pool for lap swimming, great equipment, etc. But having gotten sick the weekend after getting the membership I have not really made it there. Not that I'm sure that would have really made much difference, I'm sure I would have found some other excuse. So I guess it is something I'll continue to work on, see if I can find someone to be a workout buddy with (because even though my husband is 100% supportive getting his butt to a gym is next to impossible, though the one time I did I totally out swam him which goes to show just because I'm fat I am in some ways in better shape than my skinny hubby) or just whap myself over the head until it sticks in my brain that this is something I need to do for myself.
So onto number 2!
Moving to Arkansas has been far from easy, leaving friends and family and comfortable surroundings in order to move somewhere completely foreign is not really fun. But sometimes what's best for yourself and family is to do the less fun option. When we started living together/got married Mark and I agreed that he would work full-time while I was in school so I could concentrate on getting my degree and Mark could figure out what he wanted to do. So Mark got a good job at Haworth (for which we will be eternally grateful) we had health insurance, a good salary, I was able to work part-time and go to school full-time. We easily good have stayed in Holland, Mark enjoyed working at Haworth with his friends, the money was good, I could have continued to go to school and hope to someday get a job in Holland. But I saw the danger in staying....Mark could get to comfortable at Haworth, get promoted, and never have the need to push himself into school. I could find a job there and we'd never have the need to go outside of those circumstances...Not that that is a bad thing, I love my family, friends, church, life back in Holland. But growth hurts, it's uncomfortable, and I knew it was necessary.
Well that's easy to say when you are comfortably sitting near friends and family, but having now spent almost 5 months I can say, very begrudgingly, that it was still the right decision.
Which brings us to number 3
My mental attitude.
Ok for as long as I can remember I have the ability to be COMPLETELY negative I can not only sulk, but I can totally ruin anything for people around me. Some days are more of a battle than others, but lately it's been harder than ever. I think it has something to do with being sick, I've been fighting this awful cold for almost a week and it definitely makes me cranky! And something to do with number 2. I have days where it doesn't matter what someone says to me I am totally irked, annoyed, angry to the point of tears. Those days I think my continual prayer is 'Lord, please don't let me say anything.' 'Lord, please keep my mouth shut.' Etc. Sigh. It is exhausting to try and be nice all day at work to everyone whether I want to or not (such is the game of any job that deals with John Q Public) and then to have to keep myself from being mean at home. My poor hubby, I don't know why he likes me! So I have been trying very hard to make the decision every day to be nice, to be happy, to be positive...it's exhausting. Add that to number 1 and number 2 and some days are rough.
Today was a particularly rough one. I can' really work out because I'm still coughing my lungs up and all. Being away from all things familiar is hard, and I had some work related annoyances thanks to procedure type things that hamstring my ability to do my job successfully. and that makes number 3 SO HARD...anyways I guess that's all.
I'll put a genuine update on the things going on with us. Sorry if I gave anyone the idea that life is just horrible, it's not! I'm super lucky to have an amazing husband, to have a job, to be making friends here, etc. So don't go feeling to bad for us, just wanted to share a little bit about the semi-nerocotic workings of my brain haha.
Love you all
1. Body image/ baby stuff
2. Tough time with the move
3. Mental attitude.
So starting with number 1. I've always had a fairly poor body image. See if you can follow this timeline: in high school I thought I was overweight and ugly.
I went to Basic lost 30-40 pounds, was in the best shape of my life, and got a lot of attention (that sadly I just loved)
I came back and gained all that weight back plus about an extra 15 pounds.
Went overseas for the first time lost 20 pounds
Came back, started dating Mark, got married etc, gained back probably 25-30 pounds
Went overseas again lost 15 pounds
Came back gained back 25
are we noticing a pattern here?
Anyways over all since High School (where I thought I was just awful) I've gained about 50 pounds. Now I look back at pictures from then and want to hit myself (don't even look at pictures from after basic because I literally feel sick). I've fluctuated a ton in these different weight, I find I can work out a ton and not lose weight which is very frustrating. So finding a routine of healthy eating (which I pretty much do, its more a matter of going from healthy eating (balanced) to ultra-healthy (no sugar, no unhealthy carbs, no fats, aka never going to happen) eating).
Something that doesn't help the equation is a husband who is 100% supportive. Weird I know, you'd think that's a good thing. Well it is, sorta. The bad thing is that he is 100% supportive of whatever I want, whether that's ice cream for dinner, or working out every day. Other bad thing, is that said supportive husband actually lost weight when he went to college (so much for the freshman 15) and hasn't really fluctuated more than 10 pounds in the 5 years since we graduated. UGH!!! So I need to work not just on motivation because trust me I KNOW I need to lose weight. I KNOW I will feel better if I work out everyday (supposedly) I KNOW our chanced of having a baby will be greater if I lose weight, I KNOW life in general will be better if I lost at least 30 pounds. The problem comes with getting that motivation to actually do something.
So I've bought a gym membership at a great gym that has a ton of cool classes, a pool for lap swimming, great equipment, etc. But having gotten sick the weekend after getting the membership I have not really made it there. Not that I'm sure that would have really made much difference, I'm sure I would have found some other excuse. So I guess it is something I'll continue to work on, see if I can find someone to be a workout buddy with (because even though my husband is 100% supportive getting his butt to a gym is next to impossible, though the one time I did I totally out swam him which goes to show just because I'm fat I am in some ways in better shape than my skinny hubby) or just whap myself over the head until it sticks in my brain that this is something I need to do for myself.
So onto number 2!
Moving to Arkansas has been far from easy, leaving friends and family and comfortable surroundings in order to move somewhere completely foreign is not really fun. But sometimes what's best for yourself and family is to do the less fun option. When we started living together/got married Mark and I agreed that he would work full-time while I was in school so I could concentrate on getting my degree and Mark could figure out what he wanted to do. So Mark got a good job at Haworth (for which we will be eternally grateful) we had health insurance, a good salary, I was able to work part-time and go to school full-time. We easily good have stayed in Holland, Mark enjoyed working at Haworth with his friends, the money was good, I could have continued to go to school and hope to someday get a job in Holland. But I saw the danger in staying....Mark could get to comfortable at Haworth, get promoted, and never have the need to push himself into school. I could find a job there and we'd never have the need to go outside of those circumstances...Not that that is a bad thing, I love my family, friends, church, life back in Holland. But growth hurts, it's uncomfortable, and I knew it was necessary.
Well that's easy to say when you are comfortably sitting near friends and family, but having now spent almost 5 months I can say, very begrudgingly, that it was still the right decision.
Which brings us to number 3
My mental attitude.
Ok for as long as I can remember I have the ability to be COMPLETELY negative I can not only sulk, but I can totally ruin anything for people around me. Some days are more of a battle than others, but lately it's been harder than ever. I think it has something to do with being sick, I've been fighting this awful cold for almost a week and it definitely makes me cranky! And something to do with number 2. I have days where it doesn't matter what someone says to me I am totally irked, annoyed, angry to the point of tears. Those days I think my continual prayer is 'Lord, please don't let me say anything.' 'Lord, please keep my mouth shut.' Etc. Sigh. It is exhausting to try and be nice all day at work to everyone whether I want to or not (such is the game of any job that deals with John Q Public) and then to have to keep myself from being mean at home. My poor hubby, I don't know why he likes me! So I have been trying very hard to make the decision every day to be nice, to be happy, to be positive...it's exhausting. Add that to number 1 and number 2 and some days are rough.
Today was a particularly rough one. I can' really work out because I'm still coughing my lungs up and all. Being away from all things familiar is hard, and I had some work related annoyances thanks to procedure type things that hamstring my ability to do my job successfully. and that makes number 3 SO HARD...anyways I guess that's all.
I'll put a genuine update on the things going on with us. Sorry if I gave anyone the idea that life is just horrible, it's not! I'm super lucky to have an amazing husband, to have a job, to be making friends here, etc. So don't go feeling to bad for us, just wanted to share a little bit about the semi-nerocotic workings of my brain haha.
Love you all
It's About Time
I know, I know, I know...I've been HORRIBLE about updating. I'm sorry! I promise to do better, in fact today I'll probably do at least two posts today, because I have two very different topics on my mind.
Firstly, I'm really excited to share the video from my St Baldrick's event! It was so amazing, and let me tell you, being bald is very liberating! I was so excited in general to be back in MI and see family and friends, I was impressed by the number of people who actually came to my event! It was very gratifying!! I was especially pleased that my Aunt Cathy was able to come, she even got to be a guest shaver! So far, including the money I've gotten at the event and from people I work with I've made a total of $853 of my $1,000 goal! So if you haven't donated yet, don't worry there is still time. You can still make donations online here or by giving me a check or cash. I'd love to meet my goal, but even if I don't, just think how cool it would be if this money was the tipping point in life saving research!! Yay us!
So to watch the video, the most effective way I've found is by posting it on YouTube. So I shall link it.....Here! :-) Enjoy, and I'd love to know what you think, this was my first attempt at making a video with my Mac's video software, I really enjoyed making it, so I hope you enjoy watching it!
Some days I still really can't believe I did that...I shaved my head...am I absolutely nuts!? probably! But let me tell you, it has been completely worth it, A. my morning routine is seriously cut in half B. I can go swim laps without a swimcap C. my hair never gets in my face/I never have a bad hair day (or every day is a bad hair day depending on how you look at it) D. if it was summer I'd be really comfortable. But honestly the most gratifying moment came when we went out to a local bar with friends to listen to some live music. Firstly at the door the guy checking ID's did a couple double takes looking at my license and up to my head (which was covered with a scarf my grandma gave me) and he looked at me kinda sadly and asked if I'd just finished treatment. I politely said no, that I had done it for an event. He looked happier and thanked me for doing it. If that wasn't touching enough later a lady in maybe her 40's came up and asked the same thing, again I said no that I had done it for a fundraiser, she touched my arm and with tears in her eyes thanked me, and then proceeded to tell me that her hair was just starting to grow back after her battle with breast cancer. I was so honored that she would come and tell me, it was pretty awesome.
Another awesome thing, that it literally brought tears to my eyes, was on Facebook a couple days after I posted the video. I was lucky enough to go to by far the coolest camp ever when I was in middle school and high school. Well I am now Facebook friends with a number of fellow campers, and two of the coolest counselors ever! Anyways after watching my video my awesome former counselor posted this on Facebook.
You know those facebook reposts that go "If you have a sister who'd do anything for you, etc." or "If you have a friend who has been there through thick and thin, etc." then repost?
I was reading this on my Blackberry at our Membership Retreat for work, and I read through most of it and was like aw that's cool, when I got to the part with my name (and the link to my video) I actually teared up! When you're young and you see these people as just the ultimate in cool and grown up, then you grow up and she says something like that, it really makes you think you did something right! Thanks!!!
Love you all,
Nicole
PS- send your kids to camp so they can have that same experience! :-D
Firstly, I'm really excited to share the video from my St Baldrick's event! It was so amazing, and let me tell you, being bald is very liberating! I was so excited in general to be back in MI and see family and friends, I was impressed by the number of people who actually came to my event! It was very gratifying!! I was especially pleased that my Aunt Cathy was able to come, she even got to be a guest shaver! So far, including the money I've gotten at the event and from people I work with I've made a total of $853 of my $1,000 goal! So if you haven't donated yet, don't worry there is still time. You can still make donations online here or by giving me a check or cash. I'd love to meet my goal, but even if I don't, just think how cool it would be if this money was the tipping point in life saving research!! Yay us!
So to watch the video, the most effective way I've found is by posting it on YouTube. So I shall link it.....Here! :-) Enjoy, and I'd love to know what you think, this was my first attempt at making a video with my Mac's video software, I really enjoyed making it, so I hope you enjoy watching it!
Some days I still really can't believe I did that...I shaved my head...am I absolutely nuts!? probably! But let me tell you, it has been completely worth it, A. my morning routine is seriously cut in half B. I can go swim laps without a swimcap C. my hair never gets in my face/I never have a bad hair day (or every day is a bad hair day depending on how you look at it) D. if it was summer I'd be really comfortable. But honestly the most gratifying moment came when we went out to a local bar with friends to listen to some live music. Firstly at the door the guy checking ID's did a couple double takes looking at my license and up to my head (which was covered with a scarf my grandma gave me) and he looked at me kinda sadly and asked if I'd just finished treatment. I politely said no, that I had done it for an event. He looked happier and thanked me for doing it. If that wasn't touching enough later a lady in maybe her 40's came up and asked the same thing, again I said no that I had done it for a fundraiser, she touched my arm and with tears in her eyes thanked me, and then proceeded to tell me that her hair was just starting to grow back after her battle with breast cancer. I was so honored that she would come and tell me, it was pretty awesome.
Another awesome thing, that it literally brought tears to my eyes, was on Facebook a couple days after I posted the video. I was lucky enough to go to by far the coolest camp ever when I was in middle school and high school. Well I am now Facebook friends with a number of fellow campers, and two of the coolest counselors ever! Anyways after watching my video my awesome former counselor posted this on Facebook.
You know those facebook reposts that go "If you have a sister who'd do anything for you, etc." or "If you have a friend who has been there through thick and thin, etc." then repost?
Well, I'm starting a new one...If you have a church camp camper who has done things that amaze you and make you proud, someone who has become so strong and giving that they are now someone YOU look up to, tell them how proud of them you are and tell the world what they are fighting for. I have many of those former camper, and here's the latest. Nicole Brooks , you rock!
I was reading this on my Blackberry at our Membership Retreat for work, and I read through most of it and was like aw that's cool, when I got to the part with my name (and the link to my video) I actually teared up! When you're young and you see these people as just the ultimate in cool and grown up, then you grow up and she says something like that, it really makes you think you did something right! Thanks!!!
Love you all,
Nicole
PS- send your kids to camp so they can have that same experience! :-D
Monday, October 11, 2010
Betty Crocker, Eat Your Heart Out!
So Mark finally made it here safe and sound! Woohoo! And with him came all of my lovely possessions that I had been missing for the last two months! I mean it, I have some nice stuff that I really enjoy being able to use! And since we had originally anticipated it only being two weeks before I got my stuff I had not brought as much variety of things with me!! So needless to say I've been genuinely enjoying opening boxes and getting re-acquainted with my things! And as anyone who knows me will say, I have ALOT of things. The two largest categories of stuff would be books and kitchen stuff. Now since I have invested in the amazing Amazon Kindle I've been working to transfer my larger number of books to electronic versions, right now I'm up to about 165 books on my Kindle!! And love it!! But that's for another post because I seriously should be a salesperson for Kindle's.
On the other hand, I have been working to stock my kitchen since I was in high school! I seriously could not wait for the time when I would have a kitchen of my own to fill! My mom's kitchen took a serious hit the day I moved out haha! And since I have finally been reunited with my many boxes of kitchen stuff it has been heaven! It is seriously the only room in the apartment we have totally unpacked! That is mostly due to the fact that we really haven't bought furniture yet, so there are no dressers for clothes, book cases for my many books, dvd stands for our many movies....you get the picture. But we have been blessed with an amazing kitchen! Seriously it's the best one I've had yet and I've had 5 kitchens! It's large, it's got TONS of cupboards/drawers, there is miles of counters, and plenty of storage in our laundry room for all the many things I own!! So naturally the first thing I wanted to do was break it in! And so I did! For work we were going to be leaving ridiculously (5am!! which is insanely early for me!) to go to an event in Little Rock, and if I have to be up at 5am than there had better be some serious sugar involved!! So I made cinnamon rolls!! And they turned out fabulously and I seriously became the most popular person that morning when I showed up to carpool with enough cinnamon rolls for everyone!!mmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!! haha
Well after giving everyone a taste of my cinnamon rolls I asked what they would enjoy trying next! Because my baking bug had seriously bitten! I think they might have been teasing just a little when they asked for donuts but luckily for everyone involved I happen to have an amazing recipe for donuts from someone from high school! So Monday morning I rolled in with homemade donuts!! Sadly I forgot to take a picture of them and they were gone by lunchtime!! A couple days later I was lucky enough to have been home by 6pm, which considering I ended up working almost 60hrs that week is amazing!! So of course I made an apple pie haha cause who wouldn't do that when they get home early!! For those of you who haven't had my dutch apple pie you are seriously missing out, because I honestly think it is the best thing I make!! And Wal-Mart was nice enough to stock MI apples for me! HAHA the pie was also a hit and that works for me because this holiday season I'm looking to make some extra cash by selling my pies to people who don't want to bake their own for the holidays and word of mouth is my best possible advertisement! Sadly I also forgot to take a picture of the finished pie, but trust me when I say it was YUMMY!! Tonight I just got done making banana bread to take in tomorrow, since I didn't work today *benefit of a 60hr week last week is a comp day today!
I've honestly figured that if money was no issue I would live in a town, with a thriving downtown community (hm like Holland haha) and own a small pie shop. Just serve different kinds of pies and coffee/tea just a casual cool hang out with awesome pies! That's honestly like my dream. But since I'm not likely to win the lottery *since I don't play it haha* I'll just content myself with baking yummy treats and sharing them with work, and maybe selling a few on the side. Someday when Mark and I own our bed and breakfast I'll be stoked to take care of all the baking there!
On the other hand, I have been working to stock my kitchen since I was in high school! I seriously could not wait for the time when I would have a kitchen of my own to fill! My mom's kitchen took a serious hit the day I moved out haha! And since I have finally been reunited with my many boxes of kitchen stuff it has been heaven! It is seriously the only room in the apartment we have totally unpacked! That is mostly due to the fact that we really haven't bought furniture yet, so there are no dressers for clothes, book cases for my many books, dvd stands for our many movies....you get the picture. But we have been blessed with an amazing kitchen! Seriously it's the best one I've had yet and I've had 5 kitchens! It's large, it's got TONS of cupboards/drawers, there is miles of counters, and plenty of storage in our laundry room for all the many things I own!! So naturally the first thing I wanted to do was break it in! And so I did! For work we were going to be leaving ridiculously (5am!! which is insanely early for me!) to go to an event in Little Rock, and if I have to be up at 5am than there had better be some serious sugar involved!! So I made cinnamon rolls!! And they turned out fabulously and I seriously became the most popular person that morning when I showed up to carpool with enough cinnamon rolls for everyone!!mmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!! haha
Well after giving everyone a taste of my cinnamon rolls I asked what they would enjoy trying next! Because my baking bug had seriously bitten! I think they might have been teasing just a little when they asked for donuts but luckily for everyone involved I happen to have an amazing recipe for donuts from someone from high school! So Monday morning I rolled in with homemade donuts!! Sadly I forgot to take a picture of them and they were gone by lunchtime!! A couple days later I was lucky enough to have been home by 6pm, which considering I ended up working almost 60hrs that week is amazing!! So of course I made an apple pie haha cause who wouldn't do that when they get home early!! For those of you who haven't had my dutch apple pie you are seriously missing out, because I honestly think it is the best thing I make!! And Wal-Mart was nice enough to stock MI apples for me! HAHA the pie was also a hit and that works for me because this holiday season I'm looking to make some extra cash by selling my pies to people who don't want to bake their own for the holidays and word of mouth is my best possible advertisement! Sadly I also forgot to take a picture of the finished pie, but trust me when I say it was YUMMY!! Tonight I just got done making banana bread to take in tomorrow, since I didn't work today *benefit of a 60hr week last week is a comp day today!I've honestly figured that if money was no issue I would live in a town, with a thriving downtown community (hm like Holland haha) and own a small pie shop. Just serve different kinds of pies and coffee/tea just a casual cool hang out with awesome pies! That's honestly like my dream. But since I'm not likely to win the lottery *since I don't play it haha* I'll just content myself with baking yummy treats and sharing them with work, and maybe selling a few on the side. Someday when Mark and I own our bed and breakfast I'll be stoked to take care of all the baking there!
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Oh Baby
 |
| My own design |
 |
| My cupcake!! |
 |
| Add caption |
So I got to enjoy a yummy chocolate cupcake, and someone else brought in blueberry cake in to the kitchen, but I don't know who there was just a note on it saying Happy Birthday Nicole. I was very touched by the card to because everyone signed it, little things really make me smile!! So while I was working hard on making Girl Scouts available to girls everywhere in Northwest Arkansas, my wonderful, amazing, awesome, fabulous, sweet,
kind, smart, clever, creative husband had flowers delivered to me!! and they were beautiful! And not only that, my above mentioned husband had them specially designed and wrote me exactly what they meant! Of course I'm keeping that part private because it was to amazing to share with ya'll, but just now I got the best husband in the world! After that I had leftovers from my mom's wonderful dinner she made me for lunch, and went back to work, I had an event up in Pea Ridge which is near the Missouri border and my wonderful team of volunteers there signed up 32 girls for Girl Scouts!! it was a great event, that ran like clockwork! My volunteer up there has been a leader for 17 years!! That's dedication and I'm always amazed by the work she puts into this program and she does it without getting paid! While working a full time job and have a house built by Habitat for Humanity! I love my volunteers! I couldn't do my job without them, and I tell them that a lot!
So I'm getting really excited because my husband will be getting here in like a week, maybe a little less! It's going to be so nice to see him! We're getting to good at being apart and I don't like that at all! Sadly that weekend I have to go to Little Rock for a work thing :-( but we're getting two movers for two hours to help unload the truck on Friday. And when I get home Saturday night I'll have all my stuff and my hubby, life is good!
So that's about it for now, I'll have more posts later about other stuff that's still percolating in my brain, but I'm good for now :-) and in honor of the adorable little boys that have graced the world with their presence I'm posting these two pictures of these adorable outfits mom and I found at the mall when she was down, (plus they really helped get her on my side about wanting boys ;-D)
 |
| Plaid is ADORABLE!! And the shoes match! |
 |
| Little Carhart! Come on how cute! |
Friday, September 3, 2010
Adoption Meeting
So last night I went to the adoption/foster care orientation meeting here in Fayetteville....I still don't quite know how I feel about it other than I certainly miss our Bethany caseworker! I did not get the most welcoming and inviting feeling last night, and maybe it was because I was highly disappointed with the thoughts/actions of the other people in the meeting that colored the experience for me but it just didn't feel right. On top of that I guess the process here is equally easier and harder than back in Michigan. There are physically less children in the system here which makes the process longer. I was more intrigued by the idea of foster care though.
The process works along the same lines here as in Michigan in that we'd go through the initial application/background check/fingerprinting than move on to the classroom training and finish with the home-study. But because the system here does not get contracted out from the beginning our initial application would be done by one person, training by an outside contract, and finally home-study done by a third person. I don't really know how I feel about that, I take back everything I said about MI contracting out the whole process to BCS! I would love to have just one person who'll be there with us from start to finish like in Michigan and not feel like I'm playing hot-potato with a bunch of different caseworkers all of whom have way to high a caseload to care about us individually......like I said I was just not overcome with love for the whole thing last night.
That being said we aren't taking adoption off the table, but even if we were to jump headlong into the process again it would be up to 2 years before we could even get a placement and I don't know how I feel about that. I mean heck pregnant people only have to wait 9 months why do I have to wait 2 years! I am just feeling very discouraged about the whole thing right now. One thing I forgot to mention in my review of Hannah's Hope was the discussion of how mothering doesn't have to just mean having a child. I love to volunteer and spend time with kids anyways so does that mean God has a plan for us to make a difference in the lives of children through some other way? I don't know right now, all I know is I am not a patient person and I really have to work on that.
I do know that I am definitely re-committed to my intentions not to take fertility treatments to an extreme. Let me explain.....for Mark and I our fertility issues stem from my diagnosis with PCOS. Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome is something that causes the body, for whatever reason, to not ovulate. It is sorta a disease that doctors don't know a whole lot about. It may or may not be linked to genetics, there seems to be some connection to insulin levels though they don't know how, and women can be given a diagnosis of PCOS with or without actual cysts (I'm part of the lucky ones to actually have cysts woohoo lucky me...not). Like I've said before the irony with PCOS is that a lot of the symptoms can be managed with oral birth-control. It helps to stabilize weight, produce regular (or in my case semi-regular) ovulation, reduce mood issues, and just in general make life nicer.My doctor and I have been trying to find a weight that is best for me. If I weight to little I don't ovulate, if I weigh to much I don't ovulate. We haven't quite figured out what my ideal weight for getting pregnant is, but I know it's less than I weight now which is a whole other struggle for me. The part of the diagnosis that scares me the most is the higher chances for miscarriage. I know enough about myself to know I could not handle that physically or emotionally.
Sorry this is all a little random.....
There is more I want to talk about but right now my thoughts are kinda scattered, I think later this week I'll post a little more about what the infertility journey for Mark and I looks like, but for now I'm going to enjoy my long weekend, and try not to think about any of this.
Love you all
The process works along the same lines here as in Michigan in that we'd go through the initial application/background check/fingerprinting than move on to the classroom training and finish with the home-study. But because the system here does not get contracted out from the beginning our initial application would be done by one person, training by an outside contract, and finally home-study done by a third person. I don't really know how I feel about that, I take back everything I said about MI contracting out the whole process to BCS! I would love to have just one person who'll be there with us from start to finish like in Michigan and not feel like I'm playing hot-potato with a bunch of different caseworkers all of whom have way to high a caseload to care about us individually......like I said I was just not overcome with love for the whole thing last night.
That being said we aren't taking adoption off the table, but even if we were to jump headlong into the process again it would be up to 2 years before we could even get a placement and I don't know how I feel about that. I mean heck pregnant people only have to wait 9 months why do I have to wait 2 years! I am just feeling very discouraged about the whole thing right now. One thing I forgot to mention in my review of Hannah's Hope was the discussion of how mothering doesn't have to just mean having a child. I love to volunteer and spend time with kids anyways so does that mean God has a plan for us to make a difference in the lives of children through some other way? I don't know right now, all I know is I am not a patient person and I really have to work on that.
I do know that I am definitely re-committed to my intentions not to take fertility treatments to an extreme. Let me explain.....for Mark and I our fertility issues stem from my diagnosis with PCOS. Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome is something that causes the body, for whatever reason, to not ovulate. It is sorta a disease that doctors don't know a whole lot about. It may or may not be linked to genetics, there seems to be some connection to insulin levels though they don't know how, and women can be given a diagnosis of PCOS with or without actual cysts (I'm part of the lucky ones to actually have cysts woohoo lucky me...not). Like I've said before the irony with PCOS is that a lot of the symptoms can be managed with oral birth-control. It helps to stabilize weight, produce regular (or in my case semi-regular) ovulation, reduce mood issues, and just in general make life nicer.My doctor and I have been trying to find a weight that is best for me. If I weight to little I don't ovulate, if I weigh to much I don't ovulate. We haven't quite figured out what my ideal weight for getting pregnant is, but I know it's less than I weight now which is a whole other struggle for me. The part of the diagnosis that scares me the most is the higher chances for miscarriage. I know enough about myself to know I could not handle that physically or emotionally.
Sorry this is all a little random.....
There is more I want to talk about but right now my thoughts are kinda scattered, I think later this week I'll post a little more about what the infertility journey for Mark and I looks like, but for now I'm going to enjoy my long weekend, and try not to think about any of this.
Love you all
Hannah's Hope
I finished reading Hannah's Hope last night.......It was an excellent book and I highly recommend it to everyone. Not just people dealing with the pain of infertility, miscarriage, or adoption loss. There are excellent sections in this book called Burden Bearers which gives wonderful advice to people who interact with others who may be facing this issue. And considering that 1 in 6 American couples will face this problem, well you do the math, pretty easy to figure out that there is more than likely one or more couples in your life right now dealing with this. Some may not be as vocal about it as I am, but they are still there. The book follows along the story of Hannah, the mother of Samuel. The author takes the passages from the bible and infuses a story along with it to expand upon it based one her own experiences dealing with infertility. It was really my favorite part of the book because I so understood the feelings/thoughts that she had placed upon Hannah. Of course we will never know exactly what Hannah felt/thought through that time but given the importance of children in ancient Israel it is not hard to believe.
As I said at the end of each chapter there is the section called Burden Bearers, I think that was my second favorite part because it helped me to understand what I feel, and maybe how to help me verbalize that to 'normal' people. It also helped me to keep in perspective that people don't generally say or do things to be intentionally cruel, and I recognize the fact that I may take things a little to personally....no the woman at wal-mart is not intentionally pregnant just to hurt my feelings, no the cashier is not being cruel when she asks about how many kids I have when I'm purchasing stuff for the other children in my life, and no Mother's Day and Father's Day were not created to remind me we have no children! Being able to read Jennifer's personal journey with those same issues was something I was able to connect with, her stories of not being able to sit through a Mother's Day service at church, or the child dedications was eerie in the similarity to the struggle's Mark and I feel at those same occasions.
My only complaint about this book is that is came from a woman on the other side. Jennifer and her husband have successfully had two children and while I don't think it discredits her book, I would like to read something on fertility by someone who has never seen the otherside. I just started ready Baby Hunger and its the same thing the author dealt with years of struggle and now has two kids, where is the book by someone who dealt with years of infertility and never got to the otherside? I dunno. But Hannah's Hope is a wonderful book that everyone should read and I highly recommend it!
As I said at the end of each chapter there is the section called Burden Bearers, I think that was my second favorite part because it helped me to understand what I feel, and maybe how to help me verbalize that to 'normal' people. It also helped me to keep in perspective that people don't generally say or do things to be intentionally cruel, and I recognize the fact that I may take things a little to personally....no the woman at wal-mart is not intentionally pregnant just to hurt my feelings, no the cashier is not being cruel when she asks about how many kids I have when I'm purchasing stuff for the other children in my life, and no Mother's Day and Father's Day were not created to remind me we have no children! Being able to read Jennifer's personal journey with those same issues was something I was able to connect with, her stories of not being able to sit through a Mother's Day service at church, or the child dedications was eerie in the similarity to the struggle's Mark and I feel at those same occasions.
My only complaint about this book is that is came from a woman on the other side. Jennifer and her husband have successfully had two children and while I don't think it discredits her book, I would like to read something on fertility by someone who has never seen the otherside. I just started ready Baby Hunger and its the same thing the author dealt with years of struggle and now has two kids, where is the book by someone who dealt with years of infertility and never got to the otherside? I dunno. But Hannah's Hope is a wonderful book that everyone should read and I highly recommend it!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Possibilities
Mark and I (and by Mark and I, I mean I) made a decision to look into foster-adoptions here in Arkansas...........I had just planned on emailing the lady to just see what the differences would be from Michigan, what we could expect in Arkansas, etc. Just some basic information to think about. Instead she invites me to an orientation meeting that is tomorrow....This was earlier in the week, and my schedule was pretty set to have a Service Unit meeting tomorrow in Oklahoma. But somehow God had a plan for me to go because the same morning I was invited to the orientation I got an email from my Service Unit Director informing me the meeting was being pushed back to next week (which is a whole list of inconvenient for next week but I guess that's why God says to only worry about today).
SO now I'm going to the meeting tomorrow...just want to check it out. No pressure, no absolutes. Mark and I talked about it and decided that there is no reason not to check out the process, no reason not to get licensed. That way if we do decide to adopt we're ready to go without having to do the process at that point.
I haven't been able to stop thinking about adoption, I know we're in Arkansas and its a legitimate reason to push back from the adoption table, but it just hasn't felt right to me. If we were pregnant being in Arkansas wouldn't change anything, so why should it change our adoption? On the bright side I checked out the Michigan Adoption Resource Exchange website and was glad (and a little sad) to see that the girl we were interested in is no longer listed. It is a real relief to know that she found a home and I feel much less guilty about leaving.
So please, please, please, please, pray for us as we tentitively step back into the adoption arena! Like I said we have no immediate plans to adopt, we're just trying to be prepared (I am a Girl Scout after all and that is our motto! :-D). Pray we just keep trying to figure out God's will for our family, and that it all works out how it is supposed to, and that in particular I don't push to hard to get my way regardless of what is right for us or meant for us!
Love you all, and I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow!
SO now I'm going to the meeting tomorrow...just want to check it out. No pressure, no absolutes. Mark and I talked about it and decided that there is no reason not to check out the process, no reason not to get licensed. That way if we do decide to adopt we're ready to go without having to do the process at that point.
I haven't been able to stop thinking about adoption, I know we're in Arkansas and its a legitimate reason to push back from the adoption table, but it just hasn't felt right to me. If we were pregnant being in Arkansas wouldn't change anything, so why should it change our adoption? On the bright side I checked out the Michigan Adoption Resource Exchange website and was glad (and a little sad) to see that the girl we were interested in is no longer listed. It is a real relief to know that she found a home and I feel much less guilty about leaving.
So please, please, please, please, pray for us as we tentitively step back into the adoption arena! Like I said we have no immediate plans to adopt, we're just trying to be prepared (I am a Girl Scout after all and that is our motto! :-D). Pray we just keep trying to figure out God's will for our family, and that it all works out how it is supposed to, and that in particular I don't push to hard to get my way regardless of what is right for us or meant for us!
Love you all, and I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
A Hair Post :-)
As you may know if you've read my previous post I will be doing a fundraiser for St Baldricks and in November I'll be shaving my head to help raise money for cancer research! I'm super excited, and a bit nervous.
Well earlier this year I made a decision to see if I could go a whole year without getting my hair cut (more than a trim) or dyeing my hair! I'm about 3-4 months into that test.....well tonight I failed miserably because I did both! But with good intentions. This is because after researching the requirements to donate my hair to the Pantene Beautiful Lengths campaign I found that my hair would not be acceptable. Mostly due to my love affair with hair dye.
I've been dyeing my hair for years, I think the first time was in 7th or 8th grade, and I've been pretty regular about it since....I've done quite a wide range of colors as well, going from blonde to dark brown to purple to auburn and just about every color in between. Dyeing my hair is something I do when I'm bored.
There is also a slight vanity to it because in my family people go gray/white very early.
My father had a streak of gray that was like a skunk streak. We all assumed my sister, who inherited our father's coloring and looks would get that lovely trait....well of course it didn't work like that. By the time I was 18 or 19 I was starting to get gray hairs in exactly the same spot while my sister (who's never dyed her hair) might just now be getting gray's! Well I've decided to give up my expensive habit entirely! Once my head is shaved and I never have to worry about my roots showing (which is a HUGE pet peeve of mine) I won't by dyeing my hair anymore! I just really hope if I do go gray/white I get lucky and it'll go quickly and be pretty like my grandma's hair!
So this might not be the last time I dye my hair before November, I was paralyzed by the choices at Wal-Greens this afternoon and might want to revisit some of my favorite colors before I give up the habit!
So today I chose dark brown, who knows what I'll do next. But I've set a limit I've got 8 weeks left to torture my hair with dye and then I'm done! If you haven't had a chance to check out my St Baldricks page check it out! I'm really excited, I told everyone at work about it (just wanted to make sure they knew so that when I show up to my department retreat a few days later I don't scare anyone) and my supervisor just said 'thanks for the heads up (haha get it)' so that was encouraging! My two co-workers that started with me were excited for me to and encouraged me to plan a big event in Fayetteville, which I'm still looking at, but might wait a bit longer just because I don't have nearly the connections or knowledge of the area yet! Well that's all for now, still reading Hannah's Hope and still really enjoying it, also had my first RedBox experience, and was a little disappointed with the lack of selection! I miss Family Video! So I ended up with Sherlock Holmes which I've seen a few times but always enjoy.
 |
| The post-shower, pre-dye picture at Wal Greens |
Well earlier this year I made a decision to see if I could go a whole year without getting my hair cut (more than a trim) or dyeing my hair! I'm about 3-4 months into that test.....well tonight I failed miserably because I did both! But with good intentions. This is because after researching the requirements to donate my hair to the Pantene Beautiful Lengths campaign I found that my hair would not be acceptable. Mostly due to my love affair with hair dye.
 |
| Did blond earlier this year, didn't love it |
 |
| One of my favorites! |
My father had a streak of gray that was like a skunk streak. We all assumed my sister, who inherited our father's coloring and looks would get that lovely trait....well of course it didn't work like that. By the time I was 18 or 19 I was starting to get gray hairs in exactly the same spot while my sister (who's never dyed her hair) might just now be getting gray's! Well I've decided to give up my expensive habit entirely! Once my head is shaved and I never have to worry about my roots showing (which is a HUGE pet peeve of mine) I won't by dyeing my hair anymore! I just really hope if I do go gray/white I get lucky and it'll go quickly and be pretty like my grandma's hair!
 |
| My most common color |
 |
| Waiting for the goop to set |
So today I chose dark brown, who knows what I'll do next. But I've set a limit I've got 8 weeks left to torture my hair with dye and then I'm done! If you haven't had a chance to check out my St Baldricks page check it out! I'm really excited, I told everyone at work about it (just wanted to make sure they knew so that when I show up to my department retreat a few days later I don't scare anyone) and my supervisor just said 'thanks for the heads up (haha get it)' so that was encouraging! My two co-workers that started with me were excited for me to and encouraged me to plan a big event in Fayetteville, which I'm still looking at, but might wait a bit longer just because I don't have nearly the connections or knowledge of the area yet! Well that's all for now, still reading Hannah's Hope and still really enjoying it, also had my first RedBox experience, and was a little disappointed with the lack of selection! I miss Family Video! So I ended up with Sherlock Holmes which I've seen a few times but always enjoy.
 |
| The finished product, and new bangs |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)